27 January 2021 at 3:00 pm #48746
I posted on here recently and my post had to be taken down due to some less than nice replies but I thought I’d try again as some people were really friendly and helpful.
I am very unsure who’s last name baby should have. I am not due until June but I feel like I cannot get it out my head. It is my exes baby, we will never be back together. I asked him to come by to discuss the name and he said he will not compromise. He said no to my suggestion of double barrelling and said if I use my last name, him and his family will have nothing to do with baby and he won’t even look at baby. He asked me to make a choice there and then and I said I couldn’t make a choice now, I needed more time so he said he wouldn’t play a game for 5 months. I said I cannot make a decision right now so if you’re going to walk away just go. He walked away and I haven’t heard from him again. This was just last night so I might hear from him in time to come. Is it totally wrong of me wanting to use my last name over his? I don’t think a double barrelled name is ideal but it might be the best option since we both feel very strongly about our own name being the baby’s name.
Any advice or thoughts? Anyone been in a similar situation?27 January 2021 at 5:22 pm #48749
way things are done in our family/traditions is that baby takes on fathers surname.27 January 2021 at 6:36 pm #48750
It’s a difficult one as would want the same name as your child esp as you are split so your ex should understand this. How can someone disown a child based on a name it’s doesn’t make the child any less his.
It depends how you feel about it as you are bringing the child up essentially.
I do know that if you put the child in your name it’s can be changed to the fathers at a later date but if you put it as the fathers you can’t change back to yours yourself unless the father agrees.27 January 2021 at 6:55 pm #48751
It’s appalling that he could threaten to walk away for not getting his own way. This raises lots of questions about his parenting ability and dedication in general. He will not be able to respond like that to all of the future decisions you have to make together regarding your child- you will have disagreements and different opinions on how to parent, but you will need to be able to discuss these like adults. His behaviour is disgraceful and you don’t have to put up with it. Leave it to him now, if he doesn’t come back to talk after that, then he doesn’t deserve to be a parent27 January 2021 at 9:29 pm #48755
The fact he suggested he would walk away from his child if it didn’t have his surname is beyond ridiculous. Either immature or controlling? You choose.
Without a doubt, I would name the child after myself alone. I wouldn’t chase him, he’s either there willingly or not at all.
I think also contributing to this is if you want to take your child out of the country at a later date, it’s draws less attention if you have the same surname.
I also wanted all of my children to share the same surname as siblings.
It is historically accepted that children will take the fathers name though historically you’d have been married for life too prior to having the children, some things change and nothing is an entitlement these days. Go with your gut instinct and do not be bullied27 January 2021 at 9:31 pm #48756
OMG this is awful!
If it was me I would 100% ignore his idiotic threats and double barrel the surname. YOU are the baby’s mother. Tradition is so dated. If he is seriously walking away because you won’t just agree to his surname then what else will he walk away from?
Stand your ground. Be strong, trust your instincts.
I wouldn’t engage in the conversation with him for a bit and let the dust settle, he might come round, he might not. I double barrelled mine and my ex’s kids names and we were still together when they were born! I just knew I would never marry him and could not even imagine bringing kids up without my surname.
Stay cool, trust your gut.27 January 2021 at 10:41 pm #48761
Thanks everyone. Makes me feel a bit better than I am not entirely crazy wanting my surname to be included in baby’s name.
I do really worry if he can threaten to walk away over a name, am I going to be dealing with things like this the rest of my life. 🙁 I am sure there will be lots of things we won’t agree on and will need to learn to compromise.