Baby's dad wants to take him for whole day but he is breastfeeding – so worried
19 December 2017 at 11:34 pm #6271
My son’s father and I have split up, I want him to have access to him but he is only 3 months old and still breast feeding. He is saying he will come and collect him but I don’t want this. I want things to calm down and to go through mediation with him having access in my home until we are all more settled and the baby doesn’t need me for feeds.
He is threatening to come tomorrow – can I stop him?10 January 2018 at 9:33 pm #6755
Just wanted to say I’m going through the same thing myself with a 41/2 month old and still breastfeeding. A break up and having your baby taken away between feeds I find very distressing. I have no advice to give you just wanted to say you’re not alone x10 January 2018 at 10:15 pm #6759
Personally, I dont think you’re being unreasonable by saying no, why is there an urgency for the baby to be away for prolonged periods of time? He’s 3months old! How is this in the baby’s interests? Surely, it’s about what’s best for the baby? If it’s a case of seeing dads extended family, do you get on sufficiently for them to visit? Either at the house or on mutual grounds? I think you’ll need to reassure dad it’s not forever, but just whilst he’s so young and breast feeding this is how it’s going to be. What I would suggest going forward is some structured opportunity for dad to visit, that way you know when he’s coming and you can get on with your own routine in between. Then dad knows you’re not blocking contact. Don’t question your own judgement though11 January 2018 at 1:31 am #6762
I was in the situation similar (opposite) situation at ten months. The using of breastfeeding as a reason is not as valid as you may think. The breastpump argument can be used or even formula milk for short timeframe, the stuff may not be the best but it still is plenty good enough. If he is capable father then you would need to give due consideration. All day is not really acceptable request but 2-4 hours is reasonable. The baby is both of yours, you have no more or less rights than the father especially if both names are on birth certificate.
Does father want to show baby to perternal grandparents? They should have that opportunity, no point in getting in an early battle as it may very well bite you back later. I would advise if he is more than capable and you have no worries with him, get a breastpump or make up some formula and be happy that your son has a father that wants to be part of his life. Say 2-3 hours , depending how close he and his family lives. If you are genuinely unsure about his ability that is another matter.12 January 2018 at 12:50 pm #6789
I wasn’t comparing my situation of ten months Solo but without going into details too much about my past situation there was a month issue as well.
If she cannot genuinely express or baby can’t take formula than this would need to be looked at in another way but in the majority of cases this situation is not an issue.
If they were together the question for father to have baby for a few hours without mother, to see perternal grandparents for example or even giving mother a break, would not be questioned so it is no difference if they are no longer a couple.12 January 2018 at 9:16 pm #6797
Does the child have a relationship with the father? Mine didn’t as he left when he was born. My son would scream if held by his dad so I needed to be present to soothe him. He was also entirely breastfed so taking him away for a day was just not an option. Breastfeeding isn’t just about nutrition. It’s a bonding exercise, can reduce colic and immediately soothes the baby. Yes the father has a right of access to the child but as the baby is so young, their needs come first. I explained this to my ex-husband and he accepted coming around to my home to see our son. The relationship between them is now developing.3 August 2020 at 7:12 pm #42700
In my opinion, he cannot just come and pick up the child. You can talk to him so that he does not take the child because the child cannot be without you. If he disagrees, call the police or child protection.6 August 2020 at 2:03 am #42754
You aren’t being unreasonable to be worried. I wouldn’t answer the door if my ex made threats like that. And if he kicks off outside, call the police. He needs to learn that threatening people is not going to get him anywhere.
Your baby is still tiny and not a toy to be passed around. Grandparents do not have a legal right of access. If he wants his family to meet the baby, he should suggest a way that you are happy with, while observing the relevant Covid rules as well.
Try to explain this to him calmly on the phone or via text message. If he continues to bully you, call Woman’s Aid and look into a child access order. At three months your breast fed baby’s primary need is you, and any court will support that.