Baby surname advice

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Mumofthreeboys 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #29906 Report

    jlou05
    Participant

    hi,

    im currently pregnant with my first baby, me and the father were never in a relationship.

    We get on well and our relationship is more of a friendship.

    We have discussed names and we agreed that the baby will have my surname only.

    He has now said he wants to double barrel her surname.

    I don’t want to and feel selfish for feeling this way. He’s interested and wants to be involved but other than that hasn’t made any effort in preparing for her arrival, he hasn’t given me any money etc for anything or bought anything, I’ve done it all myself. He takes me out for food a few times a month and that is the most time we spend together.

    I will be the sole caregiver for our daughter and she will live with me which we have agreed.

    As we aren’t together I wanted her to have my surname only.

    Does anyone have any advice?

    #29910 Report

    Pumpkin62
    Participant

    Hi, I don’t have advice as such. A friend of mine found herself in a similar situation with her partner when they were having a baby. My friend hated the idea of double barrel, so dad’s name became a middle name and her’s the surname. Means they kids have both parents surnames in their names. Perhaps another option to consider?

    #29916 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    As an unmarried mother you’re entitled to name your child as you please. My child has my surname.

    However technically the father can go to court and get his name added if he wanted. Likewise some fathers use not being named as a justification not to be involved…

    Whatever you do if bear this in mind. His surname could be a middle name. If added as a double barrelled surname adding a hyphen means both names have to be used unless changed by deedpoll. No hyphen means one can be dropped.

    Also bear in mind that if he is set on his name being used he will expect it to appear in school reports etc so  though it’s about a baby now this is a long-term issue.

    #29921 Report

    myname
    Participant

    I gave my son my surname, at the time his dad was cross with me about it and has used it in the past as a reason for him not bonding with his son, but he had already shown me how he was going to not be involved by not coming to the birth or visiting even though we were in hospital for a week so I don’t think the name really made any difference to his behaviour.

    The best thing about not having his dad’s surname is that I never have to explain my relationship to my son, it’s simple at school, at the doctors and when going abroad I have never had any issues or requests to see his dad’s permission to travel.

    #29982 Report

    jlou05
    Participant

    Thank you for your messages.

    I just think it would be better if she had my name only, I’m not a fan of double barrelling and as I’m the main care giver it just makes sense to me

    i know he can go to court and change it if he wishes, I don’t think it would get to that though

    #30117 Report

    Mumofthreeboys
    Participant

    My baby has my surname only, because we split when I was 3 months pregnant. Best decision I ever made was to exclude him from the birth certificate too. Remember that when you travel you may have to get his permission etc. And if you no longer together it’s harder to explain why the baby’s name is different from your. Keep it simple for yourself and life as you are the sole carer and really won’t need to include him on paperwork or need his authorisation for anything you do with your child.

     

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