Baby or partner?!

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  • #49205 Report

    Nicolaleex
    Participant

    Me and my partner have 5 children between us. His are young, and mine are teenagers. I’ve always wanted another baby and on meeting it was discussed briefly, we always agreed to have another. 3 weeks ago he told me he didn’t want another child. I found this hard but accepted it and the life we would have together. Last week I found out I’m 12 weeks pregnant. He said he would support the baby but not as a family. If I keep it, our relationship is over. What do I do?
    I have to choose to either terminate a wanted pregnancy and stay with my partner, or go it alone.
    I have no family and with COVID taking over, very little contact with friends.

    #49222 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    to me it sounds like he is being very selfish and heartless. You wanted another child and now your getting one. it’s good that your kids are teenagers. at least you will not be alone and they can help you out.

    #49223 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    If you keep it your relationship is over.

    If you keep your relationship instead how long will that last if you had to choose that over a child you wanted? Theoretically there’s a chance that eventually your regrets will take over and ruin your relationship anyway.

    He says he will support the baby,which is very positive.

    After that,who knows? Nothing’s set in stone and might be better than it looks from here right now.

     

    #49224 Report

    Nicolaleex
    Participant

    I have wondered if I will resent him. To look after three young children when you have been denied your own, is a hard thing to expect.
    He feels his children will resent him for giving our child what he couldn’t give them, that I understand, but children adapt, don’t they?

    I don’t know what to do…for us to love each other but be apart seems illogical to me. He would also have to remain in my life to have contact with the child. It’s such a mess.

    #49225 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    I’m trying to imagine myself in your shoes and I would eventually resent what I think is manipulation….when I’m finished fooling myself that it’s ok😖 Also if he leaves you he could just as well fall into the same situation again,so running now might not even be the answer long-term for Him! And if he plans to support the baby,what exactly will he be achieving? His kids might still resent him and Everyone will be left feeling sour.And you will be in each other’s lives for a long time.This sounds like a panick move- he either cares about his kids or he’s scared of them(…guilt?).

    Sometimes an added extra like this can bring everyone together bc it’s not “yours” or  “mine”,just “ours”.Talk some sense into him if you can.I hope it all works out well.  x

    #49228 Report

    Nicolaleex
    Participant

    It is definitely guilt. He admits that. Will that make me resent the children too, even though they are innocent.
    Meanwhile, everywhere I look there are pregnant women and babies.
    I don’t want to do it alone but am not sure I can stay with someone who offered such an ultimatum.

    #49230 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    It’s not like your name is Mary so it’s not as if he can blame you for this entirely.He needs to bear in mind it’s really going to disrupt his own kids as well (if they have a relationship with you) if he messes this up now.If you want the best of both worlds you have to find a way to convince him,if he’s a nice person.

    #49231 Report

    Nicolaleex
    Participant

    I’ve tried without success. He will not change his mind once it is set to something. We’re having a home built and he has now said I need to make my decision quickly so that he knows what he is doing about the house. I know time is not on my side but I really do have to make up my mind one way or another and I really don’t know what to do.

    #49232 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    Oh gosh.That’s so HARD.You have to choose then.I’m sorry for you.

    #49239 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    I think you should seek counselling instead of feeling threatened or manipulated by someone. Theres organisation called Relate, https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)

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