Baby is very unsettled when returned from visit with dad.

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  • #46399 Report


    My 9 month old is so unsettled after visits with dad. She goes on a Saturday & Sunday for four hour visits with her dad and nanna (his mum) but as soon as they bring her back she is crying and very unsettled and whinging – his mum said on return “oh you have this now we haven’t had any of this she’s been good as gold and happy all afternoon” it makes me feel like absolute crap!
    She just cries and whinges and is so not her usual self and I don’t know why? It even took me 1 hour of her screaming and sobbing and having full on melt downs before she would go to sleep at bedtime which is so unlike her!
    Can anybody shed any light?
    It makes me feel like she doesn’t want to come home and prefers it there.

    Just to add this is the first time she has gone in 4 weeks because he needs to have supervised access and his mum doesn’t live local and she is the only person who can supervise his visits so I feel so awful even though it’s her dad and nanna I hand her over in her car seat and she must arrive be in a strange house with strange people and wonder where mummy is as I haven’t left her side in 1 whole month!? His mum put her arms out and she turned away all shy into my shoulder it is such an awful situation:-(

    Sorry to go on but I can’t sleep with thinking about it

    #46404 Report


    Oh lovely, how awful. She definitely doesn’t not want to come home, you’re her mummy, you’re her number 1. And the fact that she’s turning round into your shoulder shows that you make her feel safe and secure. I have this sometimes when my boy (13 months) goes/returns from visits, he’s got really bad separation anxiety at the minute. Could she be over tired or over stimulated? I send my boy on visits with his journal book. So I write down, sleep times, feed times, nappy times and how much food etc he’s had so far that day. Ex fills this in too, so I can see how much sleep etc he’s had. Saves lots of verbal communication, misunderstandings and I can see if he’s had enough sleep etc. Hope this helps xx

    #46425 Report


    Newgirl90- thank you so much for your response very much appreciated!

    yes I absolutely think she was over tired as she looked absolutely knackered and I made a comment of saying that and asking if she has had an afternoon nap she said she had 30 minutes so I don’t know why she was so tired? I do have to wake her up from her morning nap after only 45 minutes for her to go when she usually has 1.5/2 hours. The overstimulated is a good one didn’t think of that! As with them only seeing her every now and then they no doubt buy new toys and because it’s only 4 hours all there attention is on her and playing where as I can’t do that 24/7 when just me and her I have a house to run and day to day life.

    Aw wow what great advice!!
    it was only yesterday I said to a friend that they don’t even give me chance to do a handover and explain things and what she likes and what she needs and I try to ask things about when she napped etc otherwise I don’t know what’s happening and I have such a strict bath time and bed rountine I feel so lost when she comes back! So that is definitely something I will bring up just hope he fills it out!!!

    any other advice would be much appreciated

    thank you ☺️

    #46430 Report


    Theres no reason if mum and dad co parent that a sheet an be filled out. Obviously routines will be slightly different in each household but as long as u are kept updated then thats all good

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