Baby father abroad and complicated.

[denzel1271]

So I have a 19month old daughter, I met her dad in Malaysia whilst travelling and were together for about 5 years. As much as I love my daughter and have no regrets she wasn’t planned and actually was planning on leaving her dad and returning home to England before finding out I was pregnant.

I tried to make it work for a year with him. He came over last year for 6months and I went there for 2 months. Then leaving him at the airport was the hardest thing seeing his face and feeling so sorry for him so I told myself I will make it work somehow even if I’m not in love anymore I just can’t do this to him. But as time has gone and covid happened I realised I can’t be with someone if I’m not in love just Coz we have a child.

Since I told him in March he has been harrasing me everyday making me feel bad and I get it from his mum too crying on the phone saying their hearts are broken and can’t sleep. I often block the dad and unblock so he can talk but it’s like this all the time now.

I want her to see them still but worry about going back for holiday now and can’t help feeling bad all the time.

Has anyone been through this or similar situation?

It’s so different being in another country so far it’s not like they can visit often and easy.

 

 

 

[Maria_91]

Ohh denzel, I feel you. I am in a very similar situation. I broke up with my ex and now found out I’m pregnant. I haven’t told him yet as I don’t know what to do. We had a long distance relationship because I left my home country. He always pressured me to go back and if I tell him about the pregnancy it will probably become way worse.

Could your baby’s father come live in the UK? Maybe you could do some sort of arragement so he could be around more often? If you don’t love him no more I guess you can’t do anything about it, I don’t think you should be with him just because you have a child with him. Just explain it to him and tell him, maybe you can still find a solution so both of you get their share and are ok with it. Maybe there are more options?

[denzel1271]

Hello nice to hear from you and sorry about ur situation too. It is hard but I do think the baby father has a right to know.

It is very hard for him to come to the UK he can come over on a tourist visa but even that is difficult. He doesn’t have the money for a visa. Also I don’t want him to stay with me when he comes but I feel bad if I don’t put him up but don’t think it will be good for us

[Maria_91]

Hmm, I don’t really know about parental rights and visas but would it make sense to talk to a legal clinc and ask for advice? Maybe there is a way for him to get a work visa or anything. Then he could have his own place. Obviously it would be hard and probably take some time to arrange.

Yes, I will tell him, I don’t want my child to grow up without seeing the father. I just don’t know yet if I should move closer to him for the child. He will never move away, so it would have to be me. He is only 1.5 hours flight away, so not comparable to your situation, but still.

[denzel1271]

You should be where u want to be and if u are not together then don’t have to be where he is and if its only 1.5hrs on plane that’s not too bad. But yeh it’s so difficult isn’t it I do really feel sorry for the dad’s.  I will need to speak to the legal clinic again but I doubt it Coz before when I went to check when we were together they said we need to marry and I’d have to meet the requirements with salary earnings etc. And then the visa costs

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