I have a little boy who’s 2 and a half years old. Me and his dad split up around a year and a half ago. He was seeing another woman behind my back and he pretty much immediately got into a relationship with her straight away. He also got her pregnant only a couple of months after we split up. I feel like this girlfriend interferes a lot. There have been various issues between me and my son’s dad over this year so far. I feel he tries to point-score with me a lot. He likes to make out he’s better than me. He likes to take control of situations, which will suit him more. This may all be his doing, however I feel like his girlfriend butts in and influences him sometimes. What they both do causes me so much stress and anxiety. She is wrong for interfering, but he is also wrong for allowing her to do that. I get anxious that this will just be ongoing all up until my son is older. I feel I cannot emotionally cope with this sometimes. I am firm and I always stick up for myself to him when I need to. However, behind closed doors, it still causes me so much stress and anxiety. Has anyone been in this position themselves or can relate? Or have any words or advice?
Hope you’re ok. I’m not even sure you’re still here as it says deleted user. But nonetheless, I’ll send something anyway.
No he shouldn’t let her influence him, you are both two separate entities and should make decisions about both in his own mind, but realistically, he’s going to be swayed by what the new squeeze says. To what degree depends on him, and it’s quite difficult to know how much, if at all.
I understand completely the anxiety around it. Me and my ex had difficulty at times getting our points across, and feeling we’ve each been heard and acknowledged. Our issue was cultural, and language misunderstanding when trying to communicate. Its a long and convoluted story, but we have improved over the last 18 months. But leading up to that, even the ping of a message on my phone would tighten my stomach because I thought it would be another confrontation about something.
It was like there was always some form of criticism, about absolutely anything. Some of which I could tune out, as it really was irrelevant. And don’t get me wrong, I’ll have done the same at some points.
I can’t honestly say when the shift came, but there was one, and it changed to us just doing things for the best of our boy. Not taking every comment as an insult or a put down, and kind of helped each other, and communicate the best way, to best serve our son.
I’ve been lucky really, in that I haven’t had a new partner to be up against as well, but I’m sure you’ll find your own level of communication with your ex eventually. And if you want a chat, just give me a shout