baby daddy issues

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  • #48484 Report

    bellab
    Participant

    Hiya

    I am single and expecting a baby in June. The baby’s Dad wants to be involved and has so far been reasonably attentive during my pregnancy. He has attended all but one scan and we did agree he could be my birthing partner.

    However, I have known this guy for 5 years and it’s been nothing but an absolute rollercoaster. I am pretty sure he is narcissistic and very manipulative and for these reasons I do not want him on the birth certificate. I do not want him to be able to control what I do with the baby. For example, I’m trying to sell my flat to get a bigger place and I don’t want to tell him because I know he will be angry that I am looking at houses further away from him (nearer my parents for their support). If he’s on the birth certificate, I think he has the right to have a say in where our child lives??

    He is not financially stable so I don’t think what little child support I would get would even be worth having him on the birth certificate.

    I have no idea if he’d take me to court to get on the birth certificate or what he’d do. I know he would be livid to know I was even considering this.

    Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any help/advice  would be greatly appreciated!!

    TIA x

    #48488 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    does the father have no rights to his child? Isn’t it cruel that you don’t want his name on the birth certificate? regardless of his past behaviour or how he is at the moment, I think it’s a very petty thing to do. The father would take that  action to mean you just want to erase him out of the child’s life completely. I have seen lawyers in court arguing on behalf of other parents, about why the children’s surname is being changed. lol ridiculous.

    #48498 Report

    bellab
    Participant

    hi

    thanks for your opinion. i do not intend to stop him seeing this child at all unless i am concerned about the baby’s wellbeing when around him.

    i understand why he would think like this, a manipulative/narcissistic person does not see things from anyone else’s point of view and never thinks they are in the wrong. however i am not being petty, i have a baby to think about now and being petty will not help baby.

    it is not a decision i have made nor one i am taking lightly

    #48501 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    Why is you deciding to take his name off the birth certificate Not manipulative/narcisstic? Have you asked your baby what it wants? It’s not your daddy yknow.And if he’s so ‘narcissistic and msnipulative’, you did have FIVE years to see that,yet you still chose to go ahead and have his baby…..where’s the rationale behind this? I don’t see any.Looks selfish.If you really care about your baby,do the decent thing.

    #48503 Report

    warwickshire1
    Participant

    I imagine being pregnant  your hormones are all over the place. This person you are clearly angry was no doubt a friend of yours before you got involved further.  It would be best if he is the dad that you do put his name on the birth certificate and either put his last name or double barrel it . This would ensure you avoid a load of further problems and will make you look very reasonable . You could then have less issues to deal with and move nearer to your parents with no issues who  then can support you. It sounds like from what you are saying that babys dad will want to be involved ,and that alone i imagine will be stressful especially if he has feelings for you. Theres no reason why when things calm down and you have given birth that you may become friends again with babys dad or amicable and he will as baby gets older be able to spend time with baby .

    #48507 Report

    bellab
    Participant

    wow totally thought this was somewhere you could get support and understanding.

    gummibear123, maybe worthwhile doing some research on abusive relationships. there’s something called a trauma bond which means people can be attached to an abusive person for a lot more than 5 years. i’m glad you have never had to experience it though because it really is awful. my baby is still in my womb and will not be able to make any decisions regarding his/hers father for many years. but thanks for your ‘helpful’ message.

     

    warwickshire1, i appreciate you being able to answer my post in a kind, understanding manner. i think my concern is that he tries to stop me moving closer to parents because he also gets a say on where baby lives once he’s on the birth certificate.

    #48509 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    I doubt he can stop you moving closer to your parents. birth certificate or not. there’s been some dads that have been to court to stop their ex moving, but court did not stop it. I think your worrying too much.

    #48510 Report

    warwickshire1
    Participant

    hi bellab i know a fair few dads  that been through this . The best thing to do is move now so you can get settled . As long as hes on birth certificate and he is allowed access, which isnt much contact normally until baby is at least 2.there is nothing courts would do  about you moving closer for support from parents. when baby around 2 a dad would normally have every other weekend and a midweek day for few hours and eventually half of holidays. Your babies dad may choose to sort all of this out amicably anyway especially if u are being very reasonable and are able to get on.

    Moving away you are really preventing perhaps 1 midweek overnight stay which may take 4-5 years to get in a family court anyhow , before that it is about 2-4 hours.

    How many miles are you moving away from your area ?

    #48511 Report

    bellab
    Participant

    steve3334, i really appreciate that. my head is definitely going 100mph!

    warwickshire1, thank you, that info is really helpful! i had no idea about contact etc and the thought of giving up my newborn baby 50/50 (the dads suggestion) makes me feel so sad. i’m literally thinking about a town between him and my parents so no more than a 20 minute drive away from him.

    #48512 Report

    Hi

    I’m Michelle one of the moderators here in the Forum.

    Whilst I can appreciate that the aim of this post had been to seek advice, and that some of the feedback has been helpful, clearly this is a highly emotive topic.  Unfortunately the nature of some of the content here doesn’t reflect the aims of the forum as a supportive environment.

    I’ll therefore close this thread, but would ask that members consider their approach and take account of the community guidelines whilst interacting with one another:

    Gingerbread Forum – user guidelines – Gingerbread

    Kind regards

    Michelle

     

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