Awkward Situation

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  • #56640 Report

    Ashyrose7
    Participant

    Hello.

    New member here – Little bit of background:

    I am a single parent of three beautiful boys. 9 year old twins & a 7 year old. They do not share the same father

    I’ve had issues with the twins Dad for as long as I can remember, he is not a nice person, he is a narcissist & very manipulative.

    Recently he messaged me saying that Twin 1 has been saying for a long time that he wants to live with him. Obviously that was a lot to take in, Twin 1 has never once mentioned to me that he would like to live with his Dad. Dad is of the view that if Twin 1 wants to live with him then he can, and he can change schools etc etc.. My issue is: If he changes school as well as moving to his Dad’s he’s never going to see his twin. Twin 2 is extremely anxious and I don’t think being separated after nearly 10 years of life together is going to do either of them any favours. You don’t just split twins up like that. Also, I have fought extremely hard for the past six years to get Twin 1 the help he needs at school, academically he’s working 4 years behind where he should be. He’s in year 4 and working at reception level. It’s been a long and emotional six years trying to get him the help that he needs, and Dad was in denial that any of this was happening and claimed that there’s nothing wrong with him. He’s finally been granted an EHCP and has a diagnosis of Learning Disabilities. The only thing Dad did was delay the EHCP to get his ‘parental views’ in – He was never involved in the process of making the EHCP and everything that comes with it. If Twin 1 was to move schools and they asked Dad a question about his educational needs, Dad wouldn’t have a clue! He’s going to be going in to year 5 in September and I just think it’s silly to move him now when he’s so close to leaving to go to secondary school anyway. Dad thinks I’m selfish and that I’m not thinking of Twin 1 at all.

    I think Dad is extremely naive about the whole thing and moving a child away from his mother, his twin and his younger brother, and moving him school is not going to be as plain sailing as he thinks it is. Also may I mention that Dad spoke to Twin 1 about potentially moving schools, and spoke to the new school about my son BEFORE mentioning this to me..

    I think he’s doing it for all the wrong reasons and I don’t know where to start with any of it!

    Any help would be gratefully received!

    Thanks

    Ash x

    #56641 Report

    plogermans
    Participant

    Hi,

    From what you,ve said it sound like dad is the one being selfish.!  Although you’re son is young have you asked him about living with his dad away from his brothers and changing schools ? If he says he doesn’t want to it only solves part of the problem as you have to tell his dad and he may take it out on the boy by being nasty to him when he stays or saying he doesn’t want to see him again. Your son may say he wants to live with his dad as it sounds exciting or from fear of hurting dads feelings. My best friends were non identical twins that were always together until the age of 19. Even though i’m a dad i think the boy would be better off with mum and his brothers based on what you say and not hearing dads viewpoint of course. It is a very difficult situation for you and i wish you all the best in resolving it.

    #56646 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    Hi,

    I think the children are too young to have their views taken seriously. This is how a court would consider it. Don’t think they would be happy to split up twins/siblings. Maybe would be better for children to decide when their older, like enter their teen years.

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