At a loss mum

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    ive only just joined and this is my first post but I would appreciate any advice.

    I am a single mum to two primary aged children and I’m currently working from home, 36 hours a week. it’s a struggle.

    My children’s dad is currently furloughed, however, his girlfriend is a key worker and her children are going to school. My kids havnt seen their dad in 7 weeks (apart from through a window) and are desperate to see him, he is also desperate to see them.

    im fighting with myself on what the best thing to do is, do I let them go to his for a few days and spend time with him? I’m trying to protect them but also selfishly myself, my BMI is high and I’m classed in an at risk group. But also all of our mental health is suffering as I havnt had a break. I also have a boyfriend who wants to move in and provide me with support but he’s still having to go to work.

    I just want to do the right thing 😢

    #39898 Report


    The official government advice is that coparents should continue as normal with visitation HOWEVER it is at the discretion of the parents as to whether they wish to make adjustments to these arrangements during the lockdown crisis. 

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    My ex has not seen my kids since lockdown started and I am at home by myself to an almost 3 and almost 5 year old. I totally get how it can become overbearing at times and that as much as we love the little toots they can do our heads in at times. My ex and I have worked out a video call schedule and he also sends parcels with things for the kids or gives a bit of extra money so I can treat them to something.  We made the decision not to have visits due to my youngest having asthma. As tough as it is its just not worth the risk of her catching it as far as we’re concerned. 

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    No one can tell you whats right or wrong here. All I can say is that the lockdown wont last forever. Things will ease. Could your ex perhaps take the kids out for their daily exercise for an hour? You could perhaps meet him at an open area outside and let the kids spend an hour running around with him outside with masks on and encouraging handwashing? Its a little better than seeing him through a window at least. But again it is down to you and your ex to decide whether that is feasible and whether its something you would both be comfortable with.

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    There are covid 19 support groups online that you could reach out to that may be able to offer you some better support and advice. Hope this helps and stay safe 

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