Anyone else with a child not allowed to see their father?

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    LondonMummy
    Participant

    Hi all,

    My (now) ex-husband was removed from our home four years ago after our daughter disclosed he had sexually abused her. He was also domestically abusive (physically, emotionally, psychologically and financially) but it was her bravery that prompted me to get us out.

    Four years later our lives are much calmer and safer but still blighted by the damage he has caused. My 8 year old asks lots of questions and frequently gets upset about feeling different from the other children at her school. Or feeling jealous when a friend’s Dad picks them up from school. I realise she has rose tinted glasses on but she’s desperately missing not having a Dad in her life. I think she’s just about accepting that it wouldn’t be a good thing to have her birth Dad in her life, but I’m in no great rush to find her a new one!

    Is anyone else in a similar situation where there child is effectively fatherless?  She seems to be in this horrible nomansland where her father hasn’t died so we don’t chat about him all the time and let off balloons on his birthday, but she can’s see him either even though he IS actually alive. The only thing I can think of that it’s similar to is children with parents in prison. But even they can visit.

    The courts did allow letterbox contact btw but that option has so far not been exercised.

    Anyway, if anyone is in a similar situation or can relate, I would LOVE to hear from you.

    Thanks 😊

    #59775 Report

    plogermans
    Participant

    Hi,

    So sorry to hear of your sad situation for your daughter and yourself. I do sympathise with you as i had similar many years ago with my son. His mother had supervised access once a fortnight due to drinking and mental health problems but stopped turning up reguarly and was getting bin trouble with the police so all access was taken away from her before he was 4 years old and he has never seen her since and he’s now 41 ! The GPs, Hospital, Specialists, Schools and Education Authority were worse than useless and in the case of the schools and Education office downright cruel ! It did affect him and he stopped asking about her after he was 5 but probably bottled it up inside and said he felt different as all the other children had mums. He never mentioned her again until he was 18 when he asked if she was dead and said he didn’t even know her name which was quite sad, so i told him her name and that i did not know what became of her (she was in Broadmoor for 18 months then Care in the Community) He declined to see a photo of her with him as a baby. Then a year ago he received a letter from his mothers sister saying she was very ill but you can’t see her due to Covid, which i think was a final cruel blow ! He just said ‘No, she’s 40 years too late’ He was also was let down by a girlfriend i had for 9 years (since he was 5) who said when he was 13 she no longer wanted to be his stepmum. She’d never lived with us but again it was a cruel blow to him. Sorry to go on as none of this helps you of course but just wanted you to know that there are others affected similiarly. I can think of 2 others off the top of my head. I wish i could wave a magic wand for you to resolve the problem but there is no easy solution. You can only tell her she can’t see him as he did something bad but that it’s not her fault and continue to give her all your love as i can tell you already do.

    Kind regards,

    David

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