Any older mums without support ?

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  • #64347 Report

    wobblecrank
    Participant

    Please also see my post responding to ‘teen with anxiety refusing school for over a year………’.  I’m 54 with a 12 and 15 year old.  Since my eldest has been very unwell I have changed towards my friends because they are unsupportive and don’t hear me.  I now feel bitter and lonely because I now don’t have contact with many other parents.    Covid has made it all worse and divided my support network.  I’m so lonely now, yes I do have some friends but I don’t get the privacy and freedom to see them much.  I have to stay with my teen to keep them safe.  And support for them has gone as friends don’t understand and are too scared.   They have backed off .

    Does anyone feel similar ?

    I have lost so many friendships and feel angry and disappointed that what I thought were true long term friends have phased out on me when things get tough.

    My kids dad is absent and has been for years.  He is a narcissist and this played a large part in my teens mental ill health    my family are not nearby and don’t offer much support

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    • This topic was modified 3 weeks, 2 days ago by wobblecrank.
    #64355 Report

    *deleted user*
    Participant

    Hello Colliwobble,

    I was one of those people that did read your post yesterday, and at my end was dealing with quite a lot so couldn’t think of anything to contribute that would help so tried to hold your situation in my thoughts yesterday as kind of the least I could do.

    I am a few years older than you, so yes, I do get it the age factor and with it possibly additional worries about the future.

    I also totally and utterly get what you are saying about having involuntarily distanced yourself from some people – perhaps because you didn’t have the energy left to deal with them, because they didn’t ‘get it’ or for the reasons you described.

    I have the one teen, also divorced from a narcissist. It is difficult and not appropriate to go into detail here but if you wished to pm me at any point i would try to respond.

    I also I feel get about teen situation. In my head there is no doubt whatsoever that parents like us, and single parents in particular have had to pick up the flack in the pandemic for the government’s failures with teen mental health and their education in general.

    If you are anything like me, on the Monday before the start of term tomorrow, and having battled with pandemic home schooling and the resultant diminshing of opportunities for self care and space in our head for lone parents – simply because our usual infrastructure and support structure has been breaking down i.e now twenty five per cent of public service staff off which affects school staff, special needs staff etc even bus drivers to get to school…it is a herculean feat to keep going.

    It is something that actually distresses me with certain helplines that one of the questions people ask is ‘have you got family and friends who can help?’.

    Reason being, that actually some of us HAVEN’T and to me, that harks back to the assumption of the disney/chocolate box nuclear family i.e mum dad and extended family which in reality hardly exists anyway…and as the research report on here kind of seeks to spell out, 1 in four families are single parents and I think most of those are women, who have been disproportionately affected anyway by poor working conditions, pay etc.

    Before Covid, I went to a place of worship for years, but when covid started not one single person from it phoned, or knocked on my door to check I was okay, and during home schooling the same. This is after so many people I had heard for years spouting ‘wisdom’ on what ‘Christian’ teachings might be.

    So after i had battled with all that on  my own – I resigned from this so called ‘supportive’ circle – I kind of revised my idea of what a ‘support ‘network was. And now I see it being the delivery driver who brings my groceries, the woman at the local shop, the neighbour who takes the bins out for me every fortnight…really practical things…I’m afraid the notion of birth family doesn’t exist for me anymore.

    I think some people are actually so busy hanging on to their own circumstances that they don’t want to see or feel how others might be struggling. Perhaps we go in and out of that state of mind on a day to day basis.

    I distanced myself recently from someone I thought was a friend – and has  partner, because in the moments I have to myself which are rare, I really couldn’t hear repeated references to other people’s problems – and simply wanted to focus on finding some sort of joy in the everyday which I have had precious little of in recent years. So I’m human too!

    And also, many don’t understand what hard work it is being a single parent of a teen. okay they contribute with housework if you are lucky but the age they are at, and then if financial struggle comes in with that as well, it is so much organising.

    Sorry this is a bit random but an organisation i have heard of called ‘Never let Go’ is a support organisation for parents of teens who are struggling with mental health issues. Not sure if I can post a link but will try and find it.

    Please remember that someone is thinking of you. Yes, it is wrong that hte government has not factored in our situation and the fact that during the pandemic in particular we as single parents have had to prop up the mess they are leaving behind.

    Yes, we are somewhere inwardly strong but we should never have had to deal with all that.

     

     

    #64357 Report

    *deleted user*
    Participant

    Found the info.

    It comes from a book called ‘Never Let go – parenting a child through mental illness’

    Suzanned Alderson founded the charity group ‘Parenting Mental Health’ following the attempted suicide attempt of her daughter.

    I don’t do Facebook but apparently there is also a facebook group for support.

    Hope this helps a bit.

     

     

    #64364 Report

    *deleted user*
    Participant

    Sorry wobblecrank to get your username wrong. Apologies. My headspace in the holidays. Sorry.

    #64391 Report

    wobblecrank
    Participant

    No need to apologise, I changed it ! Thank you so much for your support and understanding xx

    #64394 Report

    *deleted user*
    Participant

    Pleasure. It was just the right thing for me to come on here today. Finding a away forward mid pandemic which is hopefully easing now is a tough call I find.

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