Any advice would be greatly appreciate

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Any advice would be greatly appreciate

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  • #64759 Report

    Djr
    Participant

    I hope someone can help or advise, my ex partner left the family home in august.  Over  the years I suffered emotional and on a couple of occasions domestic violence.  I continued with the relationship as I wanted to keep a roof for my children and thought I was doing the right thing.  When the relationship ended I was simply broken not because I loved him I didn’t and not for a long time but my family unit was broken. I never wanted my children to grow up in a broken home.  I can only describe my ex partner as a narcissistic person.  I’ve seen him in a rage key people cars, he could never. Hold a steady job either stealing from his work or just not getting on with people.  I on the other hand have a good career and not any of these traits.  My daughter who is 13 refuses to speak to her dad, a few years ago we had a little tiff nothing major but he went up to her bedroom for hold our cat and broken his leg in half he hated the cats as me and my daughter adored them.  I lied to the vet as I was protecting the children from this  it took nine months and 3 operations and yet I still let him stay he told me he would get help for his anger which he did. I’ve had him arrested a few years ago he struck me in the leg with a piece of wood I dropped the changes as the police was knocking on the doors after he said he didn’t do it, I was so ashamed they knew we moved shortly. Again thinking this would be a new start it wasn’t I was so sad for years and so unhappy  but I kept going for the children.  Since he left I’ve found who I am again, a fun and loving person with a zest for life.  I was so angry at him for leaving at the start threw me away like I was rubbish but what I now know I was angry at myself for being allowed to be treated this way. He has stopped paying the mortgage I have no other option to sell he is even going to take half form the house sale for mortgage payments I made and not him.  He takes my son to the women’s house he cheated with me on, I don’t even care he cheated but he won’t tell me when he takes my son and as a mother I found that so difficult. I feel like I have no control over anything anymore and people like this win all the time.  I can’t afford a lawyer as I have no savings and can’t claim benefits as my salary doesn’t give me the right to claim, I can’t get legal aid I just don’t know where I can turn to anymore. I have now refused access until I know this information when my son is residing.  Has anyone been through a situation like mine ?

    #64764 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    sounds like you been through a lot. All I can suggest is if your denying him access to child because he has a partner, then I don’t think this would look good on you if it ends up in court. generally they are interested in the safety and well being of child. If you look at it from another angle, that he tries to stop you from seeing child because you moved on with a new partner, that would be very unreasonable.

    #64770 Report

    Djr
    Participant

    Hi thank you for that I took your advice and have resumed access however I have asked that my son is collected by a family member now and dropped off that way I don’t have to deal with him going forward

    #64771 Report

    Sunshine16
    Participant

    Please contact Womens Aid in your area. They will be able to help you. There are ways to get through this. Citizens Advice were great also. There is history of domestic abuse as you say so reach out for support…there is a lot there for you and your children.

    #64779 Report

    Djr
    Participant

    I did go but as lovely as they was not much I can do. I’m having to sell the family home I have no choice, I can’t keep paying the full mortgage when I’m years to come he can claim half .  Women like full through the net getting any legal help as I work and don’t claim benefits can afford a lawyer not much I can do. At least when I get another home it will be mine and he will have no more control.  He has been able to get away with it  I’m afraid

    #64812 Report

    GingerbreadHelen
    Keymaster

    Hi @Djr, This sounds like something our helpline can advise you on. Helpline – Gingerbread.We also have a webchat on some days. Webchat – Gingerbread.

    best wishes.

    #65028 Report

    Ssmyth
    Participant

    I went through all you did, and it went on for five years post separation until something awful happened and I had to go to court – I know this is hard but you can self represent and get a court order in place – women’s aid were brilliant to me and gave me lots of advice. My very best piece of advice now is document everything that happens in case you do as I did eventually have to go to court – if your ex is anything like mine this behaviour will worsen. You did right to resume contact, I know it’s incredibly hard but you run the risk of being accused of parental alienation which is what abusers typically claim when you stand up to them. Write an email today asking for the address of where your children are going to be when he is with them, and keep writing it until you get a response whether he discloses the address or not, you have every right to know where they are – document all missed mortgage payments and any incidents with the children or yourself of aggression – keep strong

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