I’ve never posted before but I really could use some advice.
I have 2 girls aged 11 and 13. I have a good relationship with my ex and he has the girls once a fortnight for the weekend. The issue is that they both are becoming increasingly more upset with his girlfriend. They say she regularly criticises them and they can hear her talk about them negatively behind their backs. I’ve talked to him about this before and I’ve encouraged them to talk to their dad about this as well. It seems as if nothing changes and I’m at a loss at what to do. I don’t want conflict and arguments but I’m finding it so difficult to send them somewhere where they have to endure this.
First thing that comes to mind is just reinforce positivity from your side. You can’t dictate to someone else on their views or what they say to people. People will have criticism from many areas of their life regardless of your influence. You just have to ensure that your voice is stronger and they believe the positive things you say so that they can take the negative with a pinch of salt or at least they can just shrug it off as opposed to let it get to them. They dont have to like her remember let alone accept her and may never do, and u can’t play referee that’s not your place…that’s for him to sort as he has chosen her as part of his life. So just remind him of the effect she is having on them… u can’t influence the words she says so focus just on making sure they fall on deaf ears and make your daughter’s realize her negative words shouldn’t be taken to heart and that whatever her reasons for it all she is doing is coming between a father and his daughters so in grand scheme of things by her own actions if he is worth his salt her days are numbered. To put this in context my first gf following my separation I finished with cause she was jealous of time spent with my son…. I didn’t even have to think about it… she knew my situation and he comes first before anything though as someone without kids she might not have understood that but some things should be concrete and that’s your kids first. If they dont want to go then dont send them, make it clear to him why…. and if he chooses her over them he’s the one that loses out big time…..so make sure you hammer that home as something for him to think about.
A friend is in a position now where her son won’t even go visit his dad now because of him putting his gf first and always letting him down…. and his sister has now followed suite…this is what can happen and your kids dad needs to be aware of this. Make him aware of what’s happening and make it clear your daughter’s have your full support if they dont want to go…. It’s up to him to sort this.