Anxiety and pressure as a single mother
6 February 2021 at 6:09 pm #49165
Long story short my partner of 8 years worked away from home in the week. I found out last March that he had been having an affair and moved in with said woman whilst at work. They are having a baby in a week or so.
over our 8 years he lied about everything and was very emotionally manipulating. He had 2 children previous who were older. An example of his manipulation is telling me their mothers were crazy and dangerous and would never see him happy and would cause me trouble. This was a reoccurring thing he told me over 8 years and I cried about it numerous times and avoided the town they were from to be safe. I also had severe anxiety when pregnant as was concerned they would cause me trouble and spent so much time crying and he never told me any different. Turns out the mothers aren’t crazy and he and his parents have a very good relationship with them.
we also tried to adopt as I was struggling to conceive. He told me that his parents were very happy we decided to do this and conversations he had with them. Turns out he never handed any of his paper work in to work needed to adopt and he never mentioned anything to his parents. It was a very traumatic process and I had to cancel it as he ‘couldn’t’ find the paper work he needed from a court order he had from his first son visitation rights. I have since found out he had no intention to adopt.
I also spent years thinking his parents didn’t like me. And cried again numerous times wondering what id done wrong. Since we split his mum has told me she always thought I didn’t like her and I was invited to their house every time he went but he decided to tell me I wasn’t.
I was left with our daughter (now 21 months) and a 2 dogs. I had to give my job up and he was having the affair whilst my Nan was dying of cancer.
that’s the short version. If your still here reading, thank you!
im now really struggling with anxiety and low self esteem it seems to have hit me. I feel overwhelmed and constantly under so much pressure. My daughter is happy and healthy and my family do have her occasionally but I end up doing house work and catching up.
I just wanted some advise or wondered whether there’s any online anxiety resources anyone found helpful?
thank you7 February 2021 at 1:21 am #49194
and breath,, my goodness you have been through it. He dosnt sound like a decent person,and sounds like you deserve better, i would take little steps in the right direction. for you an your child and dogs to grow, and bloom. i think when your hart broken its good to keep busy get out with the dogs get some fresh air and talk to people. dont be to hard on yourself. good luck you got this take care7 February 2021 at 1:35 am #49195
😲😲7 February 2021 at 1:39 am #49196
Through talking to people that will out smiles on your face, watch more of comedies and reads lots of jokes. You will be surprised how quick the right man will come your way.
Just Try To Be Happy Always, Okay!8 February 2021 at 11:43 am #49250
I’m Michelle one of the moderators here in the forum. It’s good to see you posting here and getting some support. I’m sure that lots of parents here might identify with the feelings you’ve expressed. It sounds like you’re trying to make sense of some very difficult events and circumstances. I’ve added a couple of links below that might help when things feel difficult:
Mind’s Elefriends forum is an anonymous 24/7 forum with an app, to talk about whatever you want to a highly supportive, lively online community: https://www.elefriends.org.uk/
SANEline – 0300 304 7000 SANE’s freephone helpline is open 16.30 – 22.30 everyday on 0300 304 7000 to talk about how you’re feeling http://www.sane.org.uk/
Family Lives provide general support to families on issues around parenting, emotional support and just generally coping as a parent https://www.familylives.org.uk/ 0808 800 2222
There are also some wellbeing resources available here in the Gingerbread site that you might also find helpful:
I hope that talking about things here might also ease some of the pressure that you describe feeling.
Michelle10 February 2021 at 9:18 am #49333
A member has let me know that the Elefriends link no longer leads to their site. Minds Elefriends is now side by side. Heres an updated link:
Side by Side is a supportive online community where you can feel at home talking about your mental health and connect with others who understand what you are going through: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/side-by-side-our-online-community
Michelle10 February 2021 at 11:19 pm #49355
Aw I just want you give you the biggest hug.
I don’t know any online help but if you want to chat I can definitely offer that 😁
X11 February 2021 at 6:57 am #49356
I know you probably don’t feel it, but one day you’ll be able to step back and look in on what happened, you’ll realise it made you who you are and that is a stronger, more resilient woman. You can do this (raising the child), and going forward you’ll meet someone more suitable. No-one needs a dishonest lying plonker as their partner, you need reliable, committed and genuine. I’ll join his ex’s in saying he’ll likely never find happiness and peace as he’ll replicate these behaviours continually in future relationships. You’re good to be done and then you can start the recovery process which takes some time