Anxiety and loneliness
26 September 2020 at 3:58 pm #44291
Hi, I have two young children, a daughter who’s 5 and a son who’s 3. I feel so blessed to have had children but I am struggling with my emotions. I split up with my ex partner in Feb 2019, but it’s been quite on and of within these years with him trying to make things work again. He became severely ill with ocd when my daughter was born, and he became abusive, I blamed the illness until I realised his behaviour wasn’t and is never acceptable. It has to go through the courts now if he wants to see the children which im feeling really anxious about. He sent me a letter trying to persuade me not to let it go to courts, bribing me. We were together for ten years, and he was my first serious relationship. I feel scared for my future worrying will I ever meet anyone new, I feel like I don’t know where to start, I’m a bit wary of dating apps, the loneliness is defiantly the hardest in all of this, I feel very isolated, as most people around me have someone. It would be great to talk to others who have maybe gone through similar situations or have any advice.
Thank you😊26 September 2020 at 9:49 pm #44295
Try volunteering, good way of getting out and meeting people.27 September 2020 at 9:25 am #44302
I’m not sure I can offer you any advice, as my situation as tough as it was, didn’t involve the courts, at least not yet anyway. I’m sure you’ll find people on here that have gone through similar. I’m not sure if you have friends and/or family that you can talk too but I’m happy to chat.28 September 2020 at 10:37 am #44318
I feel like I was in a similar situation, being that I lost myself over a situation that happened an I also believe I was being mentally abusive towards my wife at points but it seemed to make sense in my mind what I was doing but overall looking back I should of walked away an left her to it. If you need to talk about anything such an anxiety or loneliness I could try an offer my own previous experiences an how I dealt with It or trying rather. Hope you resolve your issue soon.28 September 2020 at 11:05 am #44325
Just wanted to say you you’re not by yourself, many of us are feeling anxious and alone especially in these times – you are going to be ok. At the moment I’m just thinking day-by-day – it’ll drive me nuts if I think too far in the future.
Have you tried mediation with your ex-partner? It might help you both to gain some middle-ground in terms of time split with the kids.29 September 2020 at 9:30 pm #44404
Sounds bloody awful what you’ve been through already and the anxiety and loneliness is horrific – I separated from my husband the same time as you and have 2 children similar ages and I often have a good cry when they’ve gone to bed because I’m so lonely or worrying about the future, I get how you’re feeling and it’s not a nice place to be.
It’s really hard to carve out time for yourself as a single parent, or which means it feels much harder to meet someone new or to rebuild your life (including social life) in a way which keeps the loneliness at bay.
I’ve been trying to visit family and friends more, leaning on them more for help not even if I especially need it but just so I’m socialising in some way or another.
The loneliness does make it tempting to consider getting back with an ex – I constantly consider it, the problem is how it will affect the children? What kind of example is being set? And, obviously it ended because you weren’t happy. While it’s lonely now, is it worth risking being unhappy all over again?
Like I say, I have been trying to lean in to family and friends to help with the loneliness and distracting myself with all sorts of stupid stuff to try and focus my attention on something else, especially on a night when the kids are in bed- I learned to crochet bloody Halloween ghosts and my daughter had painted faces on them, I’ve crafted bits and bobs, painted furniture, reorganised drawers – anything that requires a bit of concentration. It doesn’t always work, and sometimes I let myself go to bed early for a good sob, I have to focus on the big picture for me and the kids and that is that we are out of an emotionally charged and abusive situation and that I can show them that being alone is always better than being in a bad relationship.
I hope things start to feel better soon – take care of yourself 🙂