Another one bites the dust…..

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Another one bites the dust…..

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  SOLOMUMMY 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #23608 Report

    Sadbud
    Participant

    Newbie here sadly on the separation path after 18 years marriage( 2 kids 11 and 14), we are going the amicable route in the first instance hopefully as I have had the ‘I love you but am not in love with you’ killer phrase. We trial separated last year briefly and she cameback but its now on the table again and this time emotionally I feel stronger and feel that its her thats changed for the worse not me. Breaks my heart that the family is being split and telling kids is horrible thought.

    Anyway plan is for me to take over mortgage and give over 50% of equity so that she can buy a house in the village, she was already looking at them before telling me we were on the rocks again. The kids dont know yet and need to tell them next week, likely my wife wont move until early June.

    Questions

    Anyone think we should wait to nearer the time? My thought is tell now so they can adjust and see mum/dad still getting on.

    Should we tell the eldest first and then her brother later on that day? Or tell together?

    If childcare is 50/50 does anyone need to pay Child Maintenance? I am letting wife get child benefit and whatever tax credits etc

     

    No doubt there will be more ramblings later but great to have found this forum to read and share some similar placed people, I have been told it will get better over time

    #23613 Report

    welshdad
    Participant

    I’d say they already know, so telling them will reassure them rather than having them wondering and speculating, especially at those ages.  Need to reassure them and maintain good communication. I would tell all together. I have only one son but I can’t see me having told a sibling separately.

    Yes with 50/50 maintainance is still calculated accordingly.  There is a calculator on the .gov website if you Google it where you input stuff in and it tells you how much you need to psy as a minimum.

    Keep posting.  It’s a really supportive forum with people from all walks of life but people do look out for one another on here, you’re in good company.

    #23615 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    Personally if there are multiple children and 50-50 I would suggest that you split the child benefit as it’s a gateway benefit and not having this could disadvantage you longer term in different circumstances.

    Likewise 50%rquity may be unreasonable if your wife was the primary caregiver and gave up work etc as legally she’d be entitled to more.  Usually in region of 60-70% in her favour.

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