Am I wrong to let my ex visiting the kids at my house?

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  • #60723 Report



    I separated from my husband 1.8 yrs ago, we live in Australia and we do not have any family here as he comes from France and me from Mexico. We are currently in lockdown, i have 2 boys ages 11 and 16, my ex lives in a small appartment nearby, I have a boyfriend (51 ys old) who does not like the idea that he comes to visit my house often and this is a constant problem to the point that my BF has broken up with me so many times,

    My ex has been coming 3 times per week after work, for about 1.5 hrs. I feel my relationship with my boyfriend should not affect my kids, they already have to see his father less than before. My kids live with me, and go to their appartment usually on friday night and come back sunday at mid day, during the week i was ok letting him come 3 times per week as i get along with my ex and we have been trying to show our kids we can get along.

    i have had infinitive problems with my boyfriend, and every time he breaks up with me, he said for months that the fact my ex comes to visit the kids was ok, but he shows the opposite and he gets very upset and every time more often. Many times he gets upset if he arrives to my house ( to surprise me  )  and finds the car of my ex in front, he just texts me: ” i was just there, saw your ex’s car and left. Have a nice time with your ex., You are with who you want to be, we have no future together. ”

    I text him back ; ”come in, you are welcome, i have nothing to hide, ”

    i have told my BF he is welcome to come in anytime he arrives by surprise and finds my ex car outside, but my BF hasn’t accepted yet.

    I have also had problems with my boyfriend if i visit my kids, my ex has a tennis court and exterior swimming pool in his building complex, and a couple of times i went to watch my kids playing tennis, the moment i told this to my boyfriend he was upset and breaking up with me. Even if i explained i was only downstairs at the tennis court, not in his flat, i have stopped going as my BF does not accept this.

    My ex and me , we only get along very well, thats all. Is a difficult situation for me, my kids do not have any family here, no cousins, aunts, grandmothers, nothing, its 2 years since they saw them last time cause Australian borders have been closed. They only have me and their dad in this country.

    however my boyfriend has told me to choose between me and my ex, it seems that the fact he comes often makes him believe i want to see my ex.

    i have explained my boyfriend dozens of times i only want to be a good mother, my boyfriend is separated, when he separated his kids were very joung and he was only allowed to visit once per week and take them one weekend every 2 weeks . I feel i would be a monster if i do the same to my kids and my ex,

    Am I wrong to let my ex visiting the kids at my house 3 time per week? Should i only let him visit once per week maximum to keep my boyfriend happy?

    As my boyfriend sais constantly that my ex does not have respect for our relationship because he comes 3 times per week, which is too often for him.

    My sister sais there is nothing wrong with me receiving my ex as many times as my kids and my ex prefer, and nothing wrong with me visiting my kids and watch them play tennis, but my BF sais its my sister and her opinion is not neutral.

    Members of Gingerbread, thanks in advance for your neutral opinion about this


    #60746 Report



    the choice is yours. if you find it uncomfortable and he is abusive, then you don’t have to have him there. he should be able to have kids at his place in a safe environment.

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