Am I wrong to do this? Need advice or just to vent!!
- This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 4 months ago by Londongirl88.
8 March 2018 at 7:46 pm #8468
hi there I’m a newbie…separated from my boys dad a year ago. Little background story – we were together 11 years (2 boys together 4&10).
I left him last year February as the arguing was becoming too much and also the abuse be it physical or him destroying my things. (He denies it but I have photos). Anyway when I left him he went around accusing me of cheating – which I never and turns out after 4 weeks of splitting up he’s moved in with another woman (who was a friend of mine and they’re seeing each other).
im living in our home we bought together however he tried to force me out with the children so he could live here but I stood my ground as my children needed a stable home.
initally he was having the kids 3 days a week but once he found out I was seeing someone new he stopped having them (although he was already with this woman). As mentioned he stopped having the boys overnight and would only have them for about 6 hours every Sunday. He would refuse to have the boys unless I sold the house. Again I put my foot down and I could see he was trying to stop me from having a life. I tried and tried to force him to have a relationship with them he just wasn’t interested.
anyway this continued for 6 months then suddenly he started having the boys overnight 2 nights a week A MONTH probably when he realised he wasn’t stopping my life.
Now as of February this year he’s started to have the boys overnight 6 nights A MONTH which I’m fine with as I enjoy and love having them home with me. The only reason why he is having them more is because the boys has attached to the new man in my life and he is excellent with them however I did warn my ex he was leaving he door open.
However when he’s not happy about something he threatens me by saying he won’t have the kids, I’m to the point now where I do not care if he doesn’t have them anymore as I can’t force him as I’ve tried in the past and it’s my duty to protect these boys so I’ve told him he threatens me again with that (which I have all in writing) I will stop him from seeing them until he learns to behave. Am I wrong to say or do that? He says it in front of the kids too when on the phone arguing with me. And it’s not nice they hear this. He doesn’t even call them when he doesn’t have them. He didn’t want them over Xmas, he’s just not interested in them. When he’s around certain people he act like the doting father and it’s sad to say I actually feel safer my kids being around his girlfriend more than him, I believe she does a better job with them than him! He’s not asking the kids how would they feel if they had another brother or sister!? Maybe he needs to think about looking after the 2 his had before procreating!
He’s just turned in to someone I don’t know. he constantly wants to argue with me, he’s constantly putting me down, laughing at me because I ask him to give me money for the kids saying I should be embarrassed! i want to add he doesn’t pay no maintenance for the kids since he Day he has left, he knows I’m struggling but I’m trying to get by but he pretends he hasn’t got money yet has money to go on holiday with his girlfriend, get tattoos, branded clothing etc.
i know I could go through csa but I know he gets cash in hand and he can hide that and say he has no income so I’m at a loss! My only hope is to think when it comes to the time to sell the house (which I can say he hasn’t made a mortgage payment in a year when he should be as his name is on it) the judge will rule in my favour that his portion will be a lot less due to non payment of child maintenance!
sorry this is probably more or a rant but I’m just so angry the father he has become! My kids deserve better and it’s getting to the point I will stop contact until he knows how to be a better father!