Am I unreasonable?
12 July 2021 at 9:59 pm #56420
I’m new to this kind of thing but I really would appreciate hearing others experiences.
I had my twins at 28 weeks and they are now 4 months old although 8 weeks corrected age. My ex partner left a couple of weeks after they came home from neonatal.
The first and last time he saw them he took them and then messaged me to say he wasn’t bringing them home and he’d see me in court. To cut a long story short and after police involvement he eventually brought them home. We were still under the care of the neonatal community team and they advised me to get legal advice as the babies are combi fed, breast and prescription formula and still vulnerable. I did this and am awaiting legal aid after paying for the initial advice. I have been strongly advised to not allow contact until there are things in place to prevent him doing that again.
I really don’t want to stop him seeing them and have previously offered for him to have them set times on his days off and that he can come after work and spend time with them. But he is demanding that he has them 3 days a week 9.30am to 8pm and also overnight. I feel really awful but I want to do the right thing and to keep them safe along with my other child is my priority. Would a court allow them to go for such long periods of time or overnight? I’ve Co parented with the father of my older children happily and successfully for 20 years I’ve never had this experience.12 July 2021 at 10:22 pm #56422
I think he is being unreasonable and perhaps being ignorant/clueless as to the children’s needs. I have been through the courts involving young children and have had to wait till child is 2 and a half years old to have any overnight stays, which I agree with. Wouldn’t want the children to be distressed and crying for their mum all night.12 July 2021 at 10:40 pm #56425
Thank you for replying. I wish he could see that I am trying to do what’s best for them and their current needs. It’s not forever as you say, as they get older it will change and as a dad I’d hoped he would see that. Does it take a while to go through the courts?12 July 2021 at 10:53 pm #56427
ever since covid started, court process has been horrid. takes months longer than usual, with a big backlog of applications. when i went through it, whole process took 6 months max. was before covid.13 July 2021 at 1:25 pm #56432
No you are not being unreasonable, clearly you should have no reason to trust him particularly with such young babies of which he has 2 weeks experience of being a dad! I have no legal training and support that dads should have access to their children but if it was me I would insist on supervised visits – supervised by someone you trust will ensure that he complies with your agreement. He will no doubt complain but you need to be strong and tell him that its that or nothing and he only has himself to blame because of how he behaved last time.
My ex tried to snatch our children from school a few years ago, they could not prevent her, but had called me so I managed to get from work to the second school and stop her. The police were called (by me) and the children returned to me because they normally lived with me but it was all very traumatic. She has Bi-Polar and was manic at that stage and cutting a long and gory story short I arranged for supervised visits but she never attended any, because of what she was saying to the children on the phone I also had to not let her speak to them on the phone. It was tough and went on for months until she was safely back on her medication. Stay strong for your children and you!13 July 2021 at 10:20 pm #56461
Thank you for sharing that with me. Its much appreciated and sounds like you’ve had a rough time. I’m glad things have got much better for you all.