Am I overreacting?

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  • #33729 Report


    Hi there. I’m looking for advice and reassurance.

    I am mum to a wonderful 2year daughter. My husband left me in September of this year and has since moved in with his girlfriend a few weeks ago. He has a 5 year old son with another woman. He is also a convicted sex offender who has been on probation since January. We had not lived together as a family for almost 2 tears due to social services and police involvement. Yes I know I’m the idiot to have stayed with him as long as I did.

    Here is my worry: I have only just found out through friends that he is with this new girlfriend and living with her. Now while who he is seeing us none of my business, the fact that this girlfriend has met my daughter without my knowledge concerns me. He has also lied about taking my daughter to his new home (contact us usually at his parents house) And given his track record if he is lying to me about this I’m worried about what else he is or could be lying about.

    I am my daughter’s s primary carer (she lives wihh me) along with my mother as I work full time. I asked to be informed when she is meeting someone new/someone I don’t know in order to maintain my daughter’s safety; my ex threw this back at me and said if I was asking that of him then he would ask it of me when our daughter was with me. He has never said this to the mother of his son and barely sees him anymore but he is keen to see his daughter. I’m beginning to worry about this but also worry that I may be overthinking things and that my anxiety is stopping me from thinking clearly

    Am I overreacting? Or am I justified in asking what I’m asking?

    #33787 Report


    I think there are a couple of things here. If your ex has taken your daughter to his home when he is supposed to have court ordered contact at his parents, then that is something you need to flag to social services.

    If your ex has parental responsibility, he is entitled to introduce her to anyone he wishes as long as he does not put her in danger by doing so. Is there anything specific about the new girlfriend that worries you? If there is, you could ask the police to check for you.

    Is your daughter able to tell you if she had a good time?

    #33821 Report


    When couples separate they are constantly reminded to put their differences and animosity for each other aside for the sake of the children. Its taken a significant effort for me and Ive not always got it right. But I try to live by a rule, I try to pragmatically differentiate between my pride and whats genuinely in childs best interest.

    What Im saying is, if you want him to inform you of where and who the child is with, then does it really cost you anything to reciprocate in letting him know?

    It might go some way in fostering parental trust between you, encouraging him to be open about his parenting time. Because as others say, we have no rights to know whats going on during the other parents time.

    Just a thought.

    #33823 Report

    Hi Nerdymum1985

    I am one of the moderators here at Gingerbread.  Just so you are aware, I’ll be sending you a private message with some signposting options.

    Kind regards, Justine

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