Am I missing out?!

[Bobsingledad]

Hi,

separated 20 months now, with a boy who is 4 in May. I have started counselling as I am struggling with certain aspects of separation, mainly feeling I am missing out on a proper family unit. hopefully it will start to help, as the marriage is over.

i see my son Monday’s, Tuesdays overnight and Friday afternoon overnight Till Saturday at 6.

he is happy, very settled, lives a good life.
we coparent it seems quite well. My ex is a great mum and I am a great dad – my relationship with him is fantastic.

But I can’t help but wonder am I missing out with not being with him 24/7? Is he missing out not having a sibling?
these are probably questions I will discuss with the counsellor – but does anyone have any advice for dealing with this guilt/missing kids?

i am sorry if this post seems a little different to some of the troubles and issues others are having, and may seem insignificant. But I am struggling and reaching out really!

[sirtobi]

Hello Bob,

I don’t think it is an insignificant question.

Not having the family unit and bringing up a child naturally includes this question. The answer is a very personal one in my opinion. If you envisage the perfectly harmonic family unit from the washing powder advertisements where life is fun 24/7 and the only problem you have in life is how to get the t-shirt spotless, then you probably are. If you think about where you came from and why your relationship ended then maybe not. I could grow a halo and the only remark this would initiate from my ex would probably be,:”How do you make sure there is no disturbance from the light at night”. So in my case, no I am not missing out.

Same goes for the child. If you can replace the surroundings with something more suitable and peaceful than what it used to be in the time the relationship faltered, I don’t think the children are actually missing out. If the war goes on and on, then of course they have the worst of both worlds.

I hope this helps a little.

Have a good day.

[Bobsingledad]

Thanks so much for your response.
the surroundings my son has are fantastic – I need to remember that.

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