Am I being unreasonable – Long Post!
4 July 2019 at 2:41 pm #27250
Hi I’m just new and I want to get other people’s opinions on my current situation. I left my ex over a year ago as the relationship was controlling and abusive. I believe he is a narcissist and I’ve in a way been brainwashed. Anyway we have 2 young children (almost 4, and 2 year old) When we were together he did very little with the kids, safe to say he wasn’t interested in them or me. He worked a lot as he has his own business so I excused the lack of interest for a long time. Since the split I’ve moved just over 10 miles away but he has regular contact every week which is Tuesday 1.30-7pm then one week Thursday 3.30-11.30 Friday morning and the next week Friday 3.30-7pm Saturday. The reason I feel he has picked these nights is to stop me going out on a weekend and potentially meeting someone. Since January he has said he will take the kids every 2nd weekend but never does. I then suggested rather than every fortnight he has them 1 whole weekend a month as he was also saying he was too busy. I’ve recently been falling for his old charm again and stupidly we’ve slept together and been spending time together that we normally wouldn’t. If it involved me he was happy to be around and play happy families but would always be busy if I asked him to watch the kids to allow me to do things. A few weeks ago I saw a post on Facebook from a girl claiming he is the father of her newborn so considering he’s been trying to win me back it’s hit me hard. He claims she trapped him and he doesn’t want anything to do with her baby, he said he didn’t tell me cos he assumed I’d know it was lies! Neither have organised a DNA. I have cut contact between us and told him we only communicate thru text about the kids. I have also now requested we get this contact arrangement agreed and more official so we both know where we stand. I had said that in around 1 year the contact would need to be reviewed as our oldest will go into P1 but we could agree nearer then but he wouldn’t agree to the current changes to be made until I told him what I thought we should do next year. I have proposed one night per week for dinner then every 2nd weekend to stay over but he is refusing saying I’m punishing him for where I live. It’s my feeling that during the school week they should be at home and in any case he will get quality time with them in a weekend. He is now saying unless I agree to his terms for next year he won’t have them a weekend now! He wants for next year on a rotating 2 week basis to have the kids after school tues til Wednesday morning then Friday after school until Monday morning one week then the following week collect after school on Thursday until Friday morning. I just feel it’s so disruptive and considering the kids stay 1 night every week now it’s a big jump for them and at a time when there is a big transition for my eldest. I have said I’m more than happy for him to have extra contact in holidays etc but I just bang my head off a wall every suggestion I come up with. It’s all about what he wants and nothing to do with what’s best for the kids. Genuinely, am I being silly thinking they need the routine of home for school life? I have suggested mediation but he was adamant he was not doing it. Sorry for such a long post, this is the shortest version haha! Please give me ur honest opinions x4 July 2019 at 4:40 pm #27286
It sounds like you could do with some advice around your situation. You can contact our Single Parent Helpline where we have a team of advisers which will be able to help you explore your options. They will be busy but calls will be free. Hope that helps, Justine