Am I being unreasonable?

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  • #48536 Report

    Lorrelle0812
    Participant

    Hi there!
    So my little ones dad hasn’t always been reliable since we spilt up back in 2017.
    Me and and his ex girlfriend had to constantly nag him to see our child and to pay any kind of maintenance.
    He would constantly cancel and lie.
    He would go weeks without seeing her and making very little contact during the week to see how she was doing.

    In the first lockdown he didn’t see her for 5 weeks or so. Then started day visits ect again. He was apparently “shielding”. However has no illnesses that would cause him to do so. In this time he would FaceTime here and there, again not consistent.

    In the November lockdown he then broke lockdown rules to take our little one on two occasions to mix with another household. This house mix was so he could introduce the new person he was cheating on his ex with. Whilst telling our daughter him and his ex were still together ect. This caused great upset to our little one and I was the one picking up the pieces.  He then got flaky again, not much contact or effort made from him.

    Fast forward to now, he has now threatened court and to withhold from paying any maintenance because I am  in his words “stopping contact” however this is not true.
    I have simply asked that alternative arrangements are made for him to see our child. Because he wants to take our daughter out of the area to another household to mix.
    I have vulnerable adults in my household so I need to keep everyone safe.

    I have suggested he sees her for a few hours maybe take her for a walk. Weather permitting of course. I have given our little one a device so he can FaceTime her when he wants. From day one I have suggested regular FaceTimes. I have promised any lost time can be made up.
    The last weekend he was meant to see her he cancelled to go fishing.
    Our little one doesn’t want to see him often and has raised concerns on several occasions when she has stayed with him.

    To me it sounds like he is trying to put on a show for the new gf (who has a child) and to cause great stress.

    He has a history of being emotionally abusive towards me. And the situation has started to really get me down.

    Just looking for some advice and support thank you!!

    #48540 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    it’s good that your worried and want to take precautions about house mixing. my 3 kids had covid recently, due to other parent being careless. You have been reasonable, letting him see his child. I would never cancel on seeing my kids unless I had a very good reason.

    with his threat about not paying maintenance. if you have a private arrangement, then you could switch to using the Child maintenance service. their rules state that parent has to pay maintenance whether they are seeing the child or not. He can apply to court, but I think he would be wasting his time, as you probably have enough evidence of all the times he has done no-shows and disappointed the child.

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