Am i being selfish staying single?
29 January 2020 at 10:29 pm #36225
Hi, first time iv done this. Iv been single 4 years now, both my children say they want me to meet someone, my marrige was really bad, im happy working and just being with them and its been lovely making our life together and being close, i worry if i should so my son has a male around, but then he does have my dad and brother, and shouldent boys be around strong women too and not just in a relationship? Also for my daughter, is it not a good thing that she sees that a women can be happy and complete not in a relationship? Admitadly i do get loenly, but im happy just being about them, also scared of being hurt and them as they only have me, im not sure im ready but constantly being told i should, but its not just me anymore, how do you decide for you and them? Any advice please29 January 2020 at 10:35 pm #36227
Start with friendship to begin with and take baby steps to something more, if it leads there. Dont jump straight to exclusive relationship, as it will be too many steps too quick and you could feel nervous anxiety from too big a move. Im in a similar position and a relationship also scares me to30 January 2020 at 11:51 am #36232
You have to do what is true for you. If you want to be in a relationship with someone then you will, but if, like myself, you haven’t found true love and are happy on your own then crack on. Our kids thrive when we’re happy so if you’re happier being on your own as opposed to a relationship where you might not be happy then enjoy your own company. I get lonely too at times but I also love time with my kids and time to myself. My son has often said he wants to see me with someone and I laugh and say if the right chap comes along I will darling, I think it’s a healthy message I’m giving to my children that it’s OK to be a single mum, why do we have to be in a relationship just to conform?! Xxx30 January 2020 at 4:09 pm #36238
Well, if you are being selfish, then so am I.
I’ve been single for a few years now. In order to be the best mum I can be, I can’t also take on a partner who doesn’t love my son, and be pulled in two directions.
Your children wouldn’t like to see their mum stressed, and they wouldn’t like sharing a house with someone who wasn’t completely part of the family unit, so I think you have to go with your instincts on this one. Your children are too young to understand what a relationship takes, and probably have a rosy-eyed Hollywood view.
It is your life & your decision.30 January 2020 at 10:16 pm #36252
I’m on my journey to pregnancy. I will be a single mum by choice (first time mum). I’ve followed the single parent community in different websites for two years now. My brother bullies me for my choice to be a single mum and some other males have laughed at me but I don’t care what they think, everyone’s entitled to their opinion. All I say is ignore people who make you feel like you’re doing something wrong. Truth is, you are doing something right by staying single, you are being true to yourself and a happy mum means happy children. You are not selfish at all! Don’t listen to negative talk. You are a mother, you are caring (opposite of selfish). Life is not perfect for everyone, expecting perfection is what makes people unhappy and stressed. We learn, we grow. Nobody is perfect. Even a lot of couples pretend to be happy in public but they are really upset and this can confuse the child. If staying single makes you happy and the child is secure and stable with a routine then stay single. I have come to realise there is no ‘knight in shining armour’ to rescue us. Single mums are independent warriors. We have to be both mum and dad. Maybe you can let the child know his dad when he is old enough like 18 years old. If that is not possible, then maybe you can talk about as much information that you know about the father like his background, his job etc. You can go to ancestry websites and genealogy.
But don’t worry, stay strong. xx31 January 2020 at 6:53 am #36256
Hi, thank you all so so much, so nice to hear from you all and same stories, i always felt quite strong and happy about staying single but did start to question my own mind, so much is put on people to aleays be in a relationship.I think us that do it alone really are stronger and i do feel so much better from hearing from you all, never done anything like this before but really does help. Thank you all again.
Staying strong and single31 January 2020 at 9:17 am #36258
I think it’s great that you are happy to be on your own, and not selfish at all – if anything the opposite! Too many of us, women especially, are desperate to meet a guy and replace the lost love/lost father/lost family life. I was one of those women too, and I am not proud of it! I should have focused on my child, not looking for a guy.. It took me years to be happy on my own. I wish, I had had the outlook you have in the early days, so be proud of yourself and don’t let anyone pressure you into a relationship. Your kids are too young to understand what a relationship would mean for you and them, and how it would change the dynamics at home. They will understand when they are older, and they will be proud of mum for having managed on her own.