19 April 2020 at 9:24 pm #39209
Last September my wife texted me to say she had decided our marriage was over and wanted a divorce. Turns out another chap is involved. This is fine (now). Good luck to them.
However, the way this was handled, coupled with a stomach operation which left me out of action of action for two months, living with my parents, has resulted in her living in the family house with the children, and me now spending a fortune renting nearby while I keep up with my half of the home mortgage.
We have three children, aged 16, 14 and 12. It would appear that my youngest two have been told negative stories about me that I’d say simply aren’t true. They now have nothing to do with me. It feels like I’ve just been railroaded out of the way. The advice I was given was not to involve the children, and maintain the moral high ground. This approach seems to have lost me two children and it’s driving me nuts.
If anyone has any advice for making sure my youngest two understand that they have not heard my side, so I dont lose touch with them forever I’d be most grateful.21 April 2020 at 7:37 pm #39255
I’m going through the same thing buddy. You just have to try to respond whilst rising above it. Address the accusation rather than the accuser. For example my little boy told me his mother said I didnt love him (he is six) so I asked him if he thought I loved him and he told me he did. Thats the only way I’ve found to handle it. I hope that helps a tiny bit.21 April 2020 at 8:33 pm #39258
Hello yoyo and Mr Dad , it’s not nice when the children are used like this it’s heart breaking , Iam a big believer that their are always three sides to any story hers yours and the truth all you can do is keep anything you tell your children as close to the truth as possible it’s less damaging to them as they grow , I have been through this myself my older girls live with their dad and have had little contact with me for three years he fills their heads with such rubbish IV learnt to rise above because they are children , I do have two little girls not his from my second marriage they don’t replace the older girls but it’s been nice to have two little girls not poised by him . Their dad walked out 14 weeks ago and to date hasn’t bothered with them to busy with his trousers round his ankles , children grow and the truth will out as the saying goes just try to be yourself don’t change to prove you love them , love comes in many forms clean clothes food in their bellys clean faces I wish you both many years of happiness with your children x21 April 2020 at 11:12 pm #39261
Hi Mr Dad,
Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. Great advice on addressing the accusation, and very well played may I say on responding so quickly and asking your six year old the question you did. My problem I think is I don’t think quick enough…
And Hi Family Time,
Thank you too! Gosh. You’ve been through the mill a bit! Great advice on not changing to prove you love them.
I’ve also been told that the truth will out. I’m just hard stuck on my bloomin’ moral high ground not saying anything, while the youngest two get told negative stories about me that I can prove simply aren’t true. Worse is her solicitor is repeating these stories in his correspondence, and there is no point arguing as it just costs money. I have no experience of how divorces work. We’re currently in mediation, although this is on hold. I don’t reckon it’ll get anywhere though. So I guess we’ll end up paying money I haven’t got in court. But I’m trusting that at some stage somebody (CAFCAS?) will say, “Hang on! Why haven’t the kids ever heard your Dad’s side?”
Am I naive to think this might happen?22 April 2020 at 2:13 pm #39278
Be the best you can be and the best you have the opportunity to.
Keep with contact arrangements make sure you have an agreement for maintenance written up and approved.
If shes bad mouthing you rise above it.22 April 2020 at 2:38 pm #39280
Yoyo Stick with it I know it’s hard but we are only responsible for our own actions , as long as you stay true to yourself , the police have a favourite saying if it’s not written down it didn’t happen . Keep everything above board and if possible any communication through messages letters emails etc your children will grow and any thing they go through in life they will always look back to how mum and dad dealt with things
I wish you all the best .