Alienated, allowed back into their lives at a convenient time?
5 September 2020 at 3:05 pm #43551
I apologise in advance for the length of this, however i’ve found most of this out right before the weekend and am awaiting a call back from SS Monday and a conference with my legal advisor on Monday too- I can’t help but be racking my brains however.
Myself and my ex partner have two young children together, both under 10. In 2015 after a four year relationship in which I was subjected to severe domestic violence (Physical, Emotional and by extension, through false accusations), we split up. The breakup was prompted by another rapid drop in ex partners mental state which resulted in the police being called, I removed the children from the household the next morning and took them to my family home in another county. On arrival at the family home, i called 101 to inform them where i was and where they children were (they were however already aware of this, due to a hidden tracking app on my phone, placed there by my ex partner). Shortly after this i received a telephone call from SS Emergency Duty team, to quote “We have had ** under our watch for some time now, we are advising you do not let ** see the children unsupervised, we do not want another *Major incident whereby a parent committed suicide with a child** incident”.
So like a good, young and naive parent i followed their advice and filed court papers the following morning, i presented evidence of DV, abuse towards the children and was granted an Ex Parte hearing, whereby an interim CAO was made for myself to have sole custody and ** was to have supervised contact only, a prohibited steps order stopping ** removing them from my care and also a Non Mol order stating ** could not come within 20 meters of the property.
When ** was served the papers by a court official, ** stated ” thats fine, i will call the police and say i was raped/sexually assaulted” To which ** did.
This was the beginning of the downfall for myself, i was voluntarily interviewed and placed on bail, Social Services undertook a section 7 report and eventually at the final hearing, the CAO was reversed to state the children should live with **, i was to have them from Fridays to Mondays, however if i moved back to the local area, it would become a Shared Care Arrangement (50/50). During the course of this 6 month saga, the mental health conditions ** was diagnosed with were completely ignored, the physical and written evidence regarding **’s capablitlies to parent were also ignored and i was simply told i was being malicious, i also warned SS and the Courts that if the order was to be made this way, the children would end up abused and or neglected. Again, i was told i was being an Alarmist.
For five years ** has intentionally withheld contact, has told the school that I was banned from seeing the children, that there names had been changed via court order from my surname to one of **’s many surnames, passed off presents from myself as their own etc etc.- All this is documented and backed up for future use if necessary.
However, approximately 8 weeks ago, i was contacted rather out of the blue by ** who stated that her and her long term partner (two year relationship, two further children) had broken up a couple months ago, the new ex (NE) was accused of ‘Kidnapping the children’ and for this reason ** was in the process of court action. ** had alleged to the court that NE had physically and potentially sexually abused **, was a class A drug addict and was controlling or manipuliative. (This was no shock to me, a de ja vu moment as these are the exact same things ** said about me in our initial court case)
** then stated that because of this, CAFCASS had become involved with the children, and that they would potentially contact me to get my opinion on **’s ability as a parent. This was quickly followed by an invite to come and see my two children. (Convenient or what?)
I have seen the children over two weekends, one for two nights and one for three nights, during the course of this however, the children have reported certain things to myself, and also stated that they were not allowed to discuss certain issues/events with me or anybody else other than **. I have obviously not pried or tried to glean information from them, as i am all too aware how this can be twisted to state i am infact, manipulating the children. Both weekends have just been opportunities for the children to be children and enjoy spending time with their parent.
However, i had a hunch that the local authority was involved with the children as they had stated they had people coming to see them quite often. I called the local authority in which they reside on Thursday afternoon, as soon as i mentioned the childrens name and who i was, i was patched through to a SW within the LA’s family intervention service (one step down from SS full involvement). She confirmed that for the last 12 months, there has been heavy SS involvement in the family, however approxmiately 6-12 weeks ago, ** and NE were told that if they remained seperated, then they would continue to be downgraded through FIS and eventually into no SS involvement at all. FIS done a spot check at the property two weeks ago and ** and NE were found to be back in a relationship. SW from FIS then stated to me, that this now means they are being back upgraded to full SW involvement, and there will be a team meeting on Monday to discuss the next steps- This leads me to a few questions.
From everything i have read so far, and speaking to Citizens Advice, it would appear that there has already been Child Protection Conferences, MDT meetings etc, and the outcome of the child protection process was that the children could remain in * care providing steps where adhered too (I.e them remaining separated)?
Now that this has been breached, it will be classed as essentially ** has willingly put the children at risk of harm of abuse?
The next step is a legal planning meeting (of which ** and NE have not been notified, i was asked not to tell them)
Finally, this sounds to me as though the SS/SW are going to look to seek either an Emergency Protection Order or depending on the severity of the risk, a Police Protection Order?.
Those questions are flying around my head at a rate of knots, and i would like to know if i am either on the right track or if realistically this is not even on the horizon.
Also, for clarity. I was apologised too 5 years ago by the local constabulary for their handling of her false allegations, and by the head of Childrens social care for their alienation of me from the process.
I have as of yet not been contacted once by a SW, and the SW i spoke to apologised profusely and stated that this was “Bad Practice”
The SW i spoke too was not aware there was a previous Section 7/37 report from 5 years ago, she had not seen this.
The local police informed SS that over the weekend i had the children ** that they had been in attendance to her address for her putting the living room window through with a brick, and attacking the NE. (The NE actually telephoned me to tell me this had happened, and asking for my help).
There in the last 6 months have been AT LEAST 7 incidents that have required police or ambulance response to the address- And on the last visit, there was evidence of dirty clothes piled high in across the entirety of the bottom floor of the property, washing up overflowing in the sink and also smashed glass on the floor, but with no evidence present of a recent window/glass/plate breakage.
The SW also stated she was unaware of an extensive mental health history with ** also.
I stated to the SW, that due to poor experience before, i was untrusting of the service and not being contacted has not helped this, however i am determined to work with them. I gave my permission for her to review the previous report from when we were at court ( not that she needed it, but im sure it helped) and i stated that part of this report was also a 400 page printout of police calls to and from the address during my time there for DV and Suicide attempts etc. I stated that if she reviewed all of this, she would see a clear and consistent pattern of behaviour from **
I have not even began to scratch the surface of the last 5 years parental alienation etc as at the moment, my first and foremost priority is ensuring that if they do take the children into care through an EPO or PPO, i am contacted and by rights, offered to shelter the children in my residence until the resulting reports/paperwork can be resolved.
Finally, due to the allegations both parents have now made about eachother, CAFCASS are involved with their children however mine are currently classed as non party to the case.
Thank you in advance for any and every response 🙂6 September 2020 at 1:14 pm #43565
Hi Darth daddy.
I really don’t know what to say and I have absolutely no advice at all but had to message just to say I can’t believe that you and your children have gone through so much. It really feels like you’ve all been let down here. I really hope you get things sorted out. All you can do is continue to do the best for your kids and make sure they have some happy times with you, it sounds like they deserve it. You’re doing all you can so keep going and hopefully things will work out for the best.7 September 2020 at 11:15 am #43599
Hi Darth daddy
Thank you for posting your experience here on our forum. Please keep an eye out for a private message from me as I will be sending you through a signposting contact.
Kind regards, Justine7 September 2020 at 11:28 am #43600
Thank you both, I will keep an eye on my PMs. I’ve got a call today with my legal advisor also