Aggressive angry ex

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  • #42772 Report

    X_Alice_X
    Participant

    My children (2yrs/3yrs) haven’t seen their father since before Christmas. He had an episode of anger in front of them. He repeatedly threatened to commit suicide when they are in his care. He has told me in front of the children he will kill himself if I don’t get back together with him and said ‘ how would you feel telling our children I killed myself because you wouldn’t let our family be together’

    They have been very effected and I put my foot down and said if he doesn’t get help he can’t see them.

    Since then 8 months has passed. During this time I have employed a solicitor for legal advice and to intercept any communication from himself.

    my Ex swiftly sent a letter stating his brother to take over and be ‘responsible’ for the corespondents with my solicitor. The brother my children’s Uncle has no legal training and has not been a part of our children’s lives since birth.

    so ensude many many emails from the brother implying my solicitor (who has over 30 years experience) didn’t know what she is doing and I should be in jail.

    also have received multiple messages from my Ex’s mother stating that I am being cruel and am an unfit mother.

    even my parents started to get phone calls from the various family members. When I firmly but politely asked the calls to stop I was told that I’m ‘mental and they will make sure I go to jail’.

    I was advised to call the police due to the harassment which I did. The calls and messages have since stopped.

    My ex has still been making things difficult. Now lockdown has eased we have had our first mediation appointment most of which he talked about how difficult life is for him. ( he has a part time job pays no rent of bills he doesn’t even pay for his food bill). He admits he has frequently become so cross with me that a mist come over him and he can’t control himself.

    the mediation ended with him walking out because ‘I don’t care about his feelings’.

    I purposely haven’t written about how I feel throughout the whole process I’ve remained distant and professional.

    However I’m scared. I petrified about  leaving my house with the children. ive moved and he doesn’t know where I live. I can’t live my life anymore. He has gone out of his way over the past 18 months to message and call my friends to tell them I have abused him. I went out for the first time since we broke up last summer and had two separate mutual friends verbally attack me for how I have treated him. Telling me stories about things that I’ve never heard before.

    he has told me if I ever date anyone else he can’t promise he won’t do something.

    how do I live a life for me and my children when I’m too scared to even walk down the street ?!

    any advise ?!

    ps my ex has a criminal record for violent outbursts and is also a black belt.

    He also pays next to no money towards his children and has only asked three times in 8 months how the children are.

    #42780 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Keep a diary of every incident. Keep every communication. Make sure they are all reported to the police. Talk to Woman’s Aid  and the local DV unit for advice on how to handle harassment and how to feel safe. Have clear plans on what to do if he turns up at your home, so you are prepared.

    Don’t put anything on social media because he will probably be checking it.

    And be proud of having got yourself and your children away 💐.

    #42786 Report

    Hi there

    Kathymumofone has given some good suggestions here for signposting.  Womens Aid are the experts in this area and their website will contain information which may be useful.  They also run the National Domestic Violence helpline.  They have a team of advisers that will be able to help you explore your options.  Here are their details:

    • National Domestic Violence helpline – for support with regards to historic abuse  Freephone, 24-hour: 0808 2000 247 http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

    • Women’s aid – https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

    I am also including the National Stalking helpline as elements of your post suggest this may be an issue.

    • National stalking helpline – 0808 802 0300

    https://www.suzylamplugh.org/Pages/Category/national-stalking-helpline?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI08D2nKia3wIVy7HtCh0gyQBZEAAYASAAEgK8Q_D_BwE

    I hope this information will be of use and I wish you well for the future.

    Kind regards, Justine

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