After 14 years together he moved on quickly

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  • #60827 Report

    Mooby88
    Participant

    My previous post mentioned about us splitting last year but continued to live together to co-parent. He then decided he wanted to leave 4 months ago and go to his parents. Since then I found out that 3 weeks after leaving the family home he was already in a relationship with someone else and pretty much living at hers. I feel heartbroken. I have never felt this feeling before. Did our 14 year relationship mean so little? How could he even feel ready to move on that quick?

    He is using the excuse that he dealt with it all mentally last year but its a lie, as we were still intimate up until weeks before he moved out and still close. The relationship ended as I felt confused by my feelings after being with him since a teenager. I started to question everything such as is this what love is, do I love him, are we compatible etc… anyway it ended because he sensed I had been distant and I didn’t want to lie so was honest and from that he didn’t want to continue the relationship.

    Since he has been with someone else hes been cold towards me and when he picks the kids up he can barely look at me, let alone talk. He looks like he hates me. I have been angry and said harsh things to him but it was all just a rage in me that I have never felt before because I feel hurt. I have said sorry.

    We were so close and best friends and literally not toxic at all, we just lost that spark.

    I am having a hard time adjusting that he has just cut me off and looks miserable around me and doesn’t like to talk. He doesn’t even care anymore to ask if I am ok when I have been unwell and my birthday he collected the kids and I didn’t even get a happy birthday…just words and he couldn’t even do that. I feel so disrespected that after 14 years he treats me like nothing now hes with someone else. The funny thing is though he doesn’t look any happier….he looks so miserable every single time I see him. I miss us talking but I also feel sadness that our special bond has now been broken. It sounds daft I know but we were both faithful for those 14 years and I just feel a sense of sadness that theres no going back now….its broken 😪

    #60889 Report

    Akay
    Participant

    I’m so sorry to hear your going through this. My own personal situation is similar, together 10 years split when son 6month as we grew distant and he had an affair, something I could never forgive. I was heart broken but knew I had to leave. Since then he’s had countless girlfriends, been settled with latest for over a year. My parents seperated when I was a baby and got on well as I grew up so I tried to do the same. It didn’t work as planned as he took my kindness the wrong way, thinking I would take him back. When I declined several times he turned to hating me and everything I done. He tells me nothing about my son when he has him and I’m not allowed to speak to girlfriend. However he questions everything I do in my life and barely has our son, purely to punish me. People close to us both know we’re toxic now, however regularly say it’s because we still love each other and need to get back together. I believe that, in a way, as feel his new relationship is not real and all a front as he can’t be alone, however I could never take him back after what he’s done. With all that in mind I do miss how close we were as we know each other inside out, I do still love him just not like before. I’ve tried speaking to my ex about our situation but he’s too stubborn, I hope yours sees the light and does the right thing x

    #60890 Report

    Scousemick
    Participant

    Hey don’t get down the same happened to me with the ex mrs u can always speak to somebody, I’d be happy to be a shoulder to cry on

    #60910 Report

    Iain
    Participant

    Hi,

    My wife left me 5 years ago. Within 3 months she’d met, moved in with and introduced our kids to him.

    At the time each thing was like a guy punch and left me feeling worse and worse.

    Truth is she’s left the marriage years before, was setting herself up. Met someone liked then jumped ship. She was always very career driven and happy for me to keep the house ticking over and looking after the kids In holidays, weekends and even the lead up to Xmas beside the actual day then wondered why I wasn’t ‘exciting’ anymore.

    what’s happened  says more about him than you.

    the real truth is she’s done me a favour. My time is mine now, what I do for my is for me and my kids and I’m not living a lie. If I meet someone great but I don’t need to be with someone anymore ?

    I hope you find your happiness xx

    #61649 Report

    Jemima2021
    Participant

    Hi, i had been in a relationship for over 19 years, just under a month ago he broke it off with me with a reason that made no sence and blamed it all on me, we still live together as we have no where else to go, all them years I tried to be the perfect girlfriend, give him a son and daughter. We have been intimate since, so I thought we could work through, but the caring on his side is gone, he dont seem to care if anything happened to me now, so i feel like im been used. I no the minute he has some money hes gone, like yourself we were together from a young age and i didn’t no my feelings and did push him away somewhat. So maybe that makes it easier for them to get up and leave in the end, they just put all the blame on us. I think in your case the fact that he has moved on can maybe help you move on quicker, because your not holding out thinking there is a chance cause you are still living together. O maybe we always hold out, but I hope you get stronger and dont, and find happiness for yourself. I do feel your pain and it is unbearable by times.

    #61654 Report

    Gj123
    Participant

    I am in a similar position – after 7 years of a happy relationship he became distant when I was 4 months pregnant – snapping at me all the time and basically acting like he hated me. Turns out he was messaging another woman from that point however he insisted it wasn’t cheating (I feel that it was). We split when my baby was born as I was so upset by what he had done however I regret it now. It now appears that he has moved on with this woman who has a child of her own. I am heartbroken as we had planned to have a child, and now he has not seen him in 2 weeks or spoken to me to find out how he is. Our son is 5 months now and my ex has seen him for maybe 10 times with a lot of those times being when I made the effort. I know he has spent more time with this new woman then he has our child. My heart breaks for our baby who will grow up without a dad as I did.

    I suppose my worry is will the relationship with the new woman last? I could not stand them playing happy families with my child however I would never stand in the way of him having a relationship with his dad.

    I’m sure we will all be okay in the end however these things take time and patience.

    #61659 Report

    Jemima2021
    Participant

    O im so sorry to hear your story, its difficult enough to have a child, and having to go through the heartache of a break up as well. It is just so easy for some men to walk away, id really love to know what is in their heads, mine literally told me 2 weeks before he ended things that he was madly in love with me….i mean talk about messing with your head. Id love to say my 19 years were so happy but they weren’t, but also not all bad. I posted a post here for the first time about 2 weeks ago, you may find it. I dont no i guess they are just in the honeymoon period now with these other women, maybe when that passes, they will realise what they have losted, and by that time it may be too late for them, cause you ladies will realise your better of without.

    #61742 Report

    BezzaBazza
    Participant

    Hi,

    my wife walked on the kids and me after 25 years after having  an affair with a lad half her age. She’s since said to friends that I didn’t try hard enough after the split to win her back, not once has she thought perhaps the issue was that she betrayed all of us by having the affair. Sometimes people can be so narrow minded and selfish, all about their immediate wants and needs never thinking of the fallout that occurs.
    Your husband has probably moved on quickly so that he has not time to contemplate what he’s done, at some point he may well regret it but by then what good will that do anyway.

    #61842 Report

    Mooby88
    Participant

    Thank you all for the replies. This is one of the hardest things I have been through in my life and honestly I just feel like the days are ticking away but nothing much is happening. I feel stuck and just numb. My ex told me hes happy with his new gf and its serious after 4 months. Its horrible to think that after 14 years and 2 children that he could get with someone soon after leaving the family home and it be serious. How/why did he get so lucky and not have to work for it. I know it sounds selfish to think that way but I can’t help it. I will most likely meet someone and it won’t work out with it being my first dating experience after 14 years, what are the chances of it being that easy. Does it ever get easier or will I always feel like the one left behind? Its hard as I have to see him all of the time when he collects/drops off the children so its a constant reminder that hes in a better place with someone else and I haven’t moved anymore forward.

    #61869 Report

    AnotherStatistic
    Participant

    Sorry to hear you are going through this. I can sympathise. I’ve been with my wife for 13 years, but she started being unfaithful online and freezing me out of her life before finally asking for a divorce recently. We’ve started that process and are still living together with our kids  until the house is sold etc. But she has quickly started her ‘new life’ and it all seems so easy for her.

    I guess the point is that some people feel love and attachment more deeply than others. We assume our partners feel the same as us, but we can never really know what is going on in their heads. When something like this happens, I’m told the best thing to do is stop thinking about their life and concentrate on your own. Rediscover your friends and interests- do things you are passionate about. It will take time but I’m sure you’ll be happy again. Take care

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