Advice required – accident / negligence

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  • #26845 Report


    Hello Community,

    I have a five year old son. His mother and I separated when he was 1 year old and it’s been a very rocky road since then – but aside from that, we have managed to co-parent successfully 50/50. I have devoted myself to my sons upbringing 100% since our separation.

    I would really appreciate some advice from any one who can help – upon hearing my very upsetting story. I’ll try and keep it as brief as possible, even though it’s quite a complex one.

    Last May 2018, my son (who was 4 at the time) was involved in a catastrophic “accident” in his mothers partners back-garden. A wall-arch which had been constructed by her partner collapsed on him, and amputated his left hand. The only reason he lived was because his main artery was cauterised in the crush.  He was rushed to Alder Hey Children’s hospital in Liverpool by air ambulance and underwent a 12 hour surgery, in which his hand was, thankfully, replanted successfully. He stayed for 3 further weeks and had another series of operations. The care he received was overwhelming.

    I was absolutely devastated. I have worked as a professional musician for most of my adult life, and so has his mother. This is a life-altering injury which will affect my son for the rest of his life. He was lost his wrist, and will never regain full-functionality of his hand.

    He is now an out-patient and his care was transferred to a more local hospital. Following this I alone have worked tirelessly in liaising with Alder Hey and the more local place, after his care dropped off, somewhat. It’s at the stage where the care team have even noticed it now, and all of his letters through the school are specifically addressed to me. His mother and her partner have done absolutely nothing to help.
    A fundraiser was done for us, by someone who saw it in the local paper while we were in hospital (to help with his ongoing care costs). My ex and her partner collected the money and did not tell me about it. They spent it themselves – whilst I did all of the hospital runs due to their car being broken. I have since organised my own fundraisers. I also began an insurance claim for my son (as her partner is a landscape gardener and had public liability insurance) regarding which I was advised we all work together as a unit, to improve my sons chances of success.  I was told he would receive private medical care for the rest of his life as a minimum. His mum and her partner refused to help me, and in-fact, removed any evidence that might support his claim.

    My son has told me time and time again that when he is with his mother she isn’t doing the daily physiotherapy exercises we have been given. His care is not properly taken care of in so many regards. Last month she cancelled his monthly hospital visit, and lied to me about it. I was gob-smacked. I am also the only one who taken him to see a dentist. I buy all of his clothes and shoes, and yet his mother receives all of the child credits and benefits.

    Aside from the accident there is this low-level negligence which has been going on for years now. It was actually one of the main reason we split. Last month, I went to take my sons school shoes to his mother, and she had kept him of school for absolutely no reason. I decided to visit the yard out the back, where the accident had occurred, and was horrified to find a builders yard – completely unsafe.

    Anytime I express my concern for my sons care, I am met with abusive retorts, and am reminded of how lucky I am to have a 50/50 shared arrangement. I am now taking the matter to court for an order of 50/50, but also for a specific issue order in that I am solely responsible for his hospital care and treatment. However, I am sincerely worried that I will lose time with my son – as I have heard so much that family courts favour the mothers.

    Can anyone offer me ANY kind of advice please?

    Thank you x

    #26861 Report

    Hi singlepapathriving

    Thank you for sharing your story with the forum.  It sounds like you have some specific questions you would like answers to.  I can suggest that you contact our Single Parent Helpline.  We have a team of trained advisers that should be able able to help you explore your options. They will be busy and calls can take up to 20 mins, but the calls will be free.

    Here are their details and hope this helps:

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