Advice pls for dealing with alcoholic ex husband & contact with kids

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  • #34614 Report


    I left my husband 4 months ago due to his alcoholism and I’ve started divorce proceedings which seem to take forever. He’s hardly seen kids during this time but this month requested to see them, which we did twice with me present throughout. However the third recent time (at family home which he still resides in-that’s another story!!) i was unhappy with his attitude and behaviour towards both children and myself, and when I tried to leave with kids he lost it, started threatening and violent behaviour and trapped us in the house. The police were called and luckily my oldest (3year old) doesn’t seem too affected by it all.
    Unbelievably he is requesting to see the children again (and of course what happened is my fault). I am not allowing him anywhere near them at present but wondered if anyone can provide any advice on using third party supervision?
    The police said social services etc would be notified but heard nothing from them or anyone else.

    #34618 Report


    My ex is alcoholic too.

    If your eldest is 3 then your youngest must be very young and you obviously need to be there for any visits. On the other hand, if I hadn’t seen much of my kids in 4 months, I’d probably get a bit distressed too.

    With my ex, to start with, I arranged a weekly meet up in a local pizza hut. Having other people around made him less likely to get angry and made me feel safer. It gave us something to do and the children were too busy eating to notice any tension. And making it a regular thing made it easier for everyone.

    Can you try something like that? The children have the right to see their father so finding a way that lets everyone to relax  will take away a lot of stress.

    #34625 Report

    Dear Deej

    I’m Carmen, one of the moderators.  <span style=”color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;”> T</span><span style=”color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;”>he Gingerbread helpline  – 0808 802 0925 –  re-opens on January 2nd at 10am, and they can advise on your rights in this situation. Please do give them a call. </span>


    #34824 Report


    Thanks for responding. Matter has progressed somewhat since my message, unfortunately not for the better.

    #34851 Report


    I’m so sorry to hear you are dealing with this , alcoholism is a very real and hard situation, and with you having young children it is even harder. The only advice I can give is please try and step back and really look after yourself has you are going to need to be strong . When you feel able try to keep contact open with your ex and allow visits where you feel safe . Do not enable him in any way . What he’s says in drink will hurt but it’s coming from a sad place in him . Please remember you are not to blame . Step back but be there when you can . They do play on your emotional state alcoholics they just can’t help it you have to be savvy . My ex pasted away a year ago it was all very sad and I regret everyday not be able to do more for him . I tried so much to help him . But the guilt is and always will be there .

    #34903 Report

    Hi there

    Here are two agencies that may be able to provide support.  To find out your rights around contact please get in touch with:

    Child Law advice service – they again provide legal advice on family law issues related to children, so if you are thinking of stopping contact they have information on their website about this, and a helpline staffed by legal specialists 0300 330 5480

    With regards to support around your ex partners issues with alcohol, please contact:

    AdFam – they can provide information and advice for families affected by addiction.  Using the website you can access a forum and search for groups in your local area.

    Hope this helps, Justine

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