Advice please: Single and pregnant

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  • #19768 Report

    CH86
    Participant

    I split up with my boyfriend of 2yrs last summer. It was a really good relationship but he was having a hard time with work and long story short he ended things. I was distraught and moved back home.

    We continued to talk and a few times we did hook up. I was in a very depressed place and still missed him…

    i have just found out that I am 5 weeks pregnant…I have told him and he wants me to get an abortion. He says it’s not fair bringing a child into the world without a dad. He wants to move to USA and says he can’t support me financially as he is in a bad way.

    I really don’t want an abortion but is it the better option? I am 33, temporary full time job and living with my parents, so I’m not in a great situation, but I deep down feel like I want to keep the baby. I’m worried about what my friends, work colleagues will all say…I feel embarrassed.

    Also, my parents hate my ex for the way he broke up with me…so another issue to think about. (I also haven’t told my parents).

    Any thoughts would be appreciated x

     

    #19770 Report

    Sally
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m sorry that was your ex’s reaction but that definitely doesn’t mean to say that’s what you should do. It’s so hard when you find life hasn’t worked out the way you thought it would but you can make this life what you want it to be and if that means bringing this little one into the world with an amazing mummy and grandma and grandpa then that’s not a bad start in any way.

    I worried about all the same things and I must say it is really not important at end of the day what people think of your circumstance. You may feel embarrassed but actually you should feel proud for the strength in character to consider doing this on your own. My experience when people found out I was doing it on my own was that most people where really supportive.

    Nearly two years on it was all so worth it and my daughter and I are very happy in our new life and looking forward to adventures together.

    Good luck with whatever decision you come to and if you ever want to chat just reach out

    #19771 Report

    CH86
    Participant

    Thank you for your kind words. It’s definitely easier talking about it to someone on the outside at the moment.

    #19786 Report

    Sally
    Participant

    Yeah it probably will be right now whilst you get your head around things. If you ever want to chat let me know. Do think about who you can speak about it with though, don’t feel you have to decide by yourself. You’ll probably be surprised when you do start talking to your friends how supportive they are too x

    #24887 Report

    Welshdad
    Participant

    Just read this.  It’s not his call, it’s yours.  Just cause he wants to miss out or doesn’t want to think about anyone else taking over his role as a father cause he can’t / won’t cut it should not be a deciding factor.  It’s your body and your decision.  There are plenty of mothers (and fathers for that matter) who have brought kids up singlehandedly and indeed I have friends who have done this since birth.  You can do this whether he wants to be in your life or not and you’ll do great 🙂

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Welshdad.
    #24890 Report

    Ramblinjon
    Participant

    CB86, in a way your post made me smile, if you want to keep your baby then hell yes go for it!

    Your going to be fine, if your ex doesn’t want to know then off he should f**k, it’s his loss. Sorry to be blunt, well actually I’m not that sorry, but bringing a little one into the world that you want is magical, balls to what anyone else thinks.

    Mark

    #24891 Report

    Ramblinjon
    Participant

    I’ve had my boy since he was toddler, I gave up a profitable building business and have struggled for money ever since, I literally haven’t had a spare penny. Girls don’t seem to want to know a single dad, I guess that weirdly it doesn’t seem natural to some folk.

    But what I’ve gained is priceless, having my son is the greatest most precious thing in world that I’ve ever had.

    Mark

    #24893 Report

    Welshdad
    Participant

    Well said Mark 🙂

    #24896 Report

    CH86
    Participant

    Thanks welshdad and ramblinjon.

    I’m keeping the baby, which has caused a lot of upset with the father, who wanted me to get a termination at 19 weeks. He’s now told me I’m well and truly on my own. I’ve now accepted that and feel ok. Obviously I wish he would stick around but I think I’ll manage.

    #24897 Report

    Welshdad
    Participant

    That’s his prerogative.  You may not have him but you won’t be on your own.  With that attitude you are better off with him out of the picture entirely than when it suits him.  You will realise now just what you’re capable of, not just manage…you’ll do great 🙂

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