Advice please – Do I have to work around his life?

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  • #49145 Report


    I’ll try and keep it short and sweet.

    I have split up with my husband and he left the family home. We have a 2 year old son.

    he works as a police officer and works 6 shifts on and 4 shifts off, the 6 shifts are at different times and unsociable hours. At the moment he sees our son for two full days when he is off and for the morning before his late shift. These days are not set as in the same days every week due to his shift pattern.

    The problem is this affects me being able to take a contracted job ( currently having to work bank shifts ) due to it being different days of the week every time he has access. He is pushing for 50% custody and wants him for 5 days which I’ve said no to because he doesn’t settle with him and he’s too young to spend 5. Days away from me when he is used to having me doing everything 24 hours a day.

    my ex is currently taking me to mediation for more access but at the moment I’m having to work my entire life around HIS and his shifts is this something I HAVE to do? Surely due to how much his shift pattern and current access arrangement impacts my life I can say either set days and the same days every week and HE has to sort his work out or he has access on his weekends off work ?

    #49147 Report



    If he wants to take it to court for 50/50, am not sure how that will be possible with his work schedule. its highly likely he would have to do school runs on the days he has the child and when returning child, as 50/50 means equal day-to-day care of child, including doctors appoints, parents evening etc.

    my kids started staying overnight with me from age 2 and a half. but it’s different for every parent. some have started overnights from little as 12-18months. the standard arrangement court like to give is every other weekend and half of school holidays, unless parents can commit to spending more time than that with kids.


    #49154 Report


    Your ex partner will not get  a 50-50 contact arrangement. Your son is too young and it  is very hard to get 50-50 and wouldnt be workable due to him doing various shifts.

    However they will work out child arrangements based on his  rota . Contact is based on when dad is available , but this would be set times and days based on rota he does.  You could if workable offer him half of the holidays  based on school calendar year , but this would depend on if he can get days off and maybe something that would happen when your son perhaps is 3. Maybe if you havent already you could further down line consider nursery for your son as well so u can work and if that falls on dads day he could pick up/drop off to nursery as well if need be

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