Advice Please.

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  SOLOMUMMY 5 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #24789 Report


    I’m looking for some advice please.

    I have been separated from my kids father for over two years. We have had a few ups & downs during this time.

    He has a new partner & in the beginning my children didn’t want to meet her. I sat them down & told them that I didn’t want them not meeting her because they thought it would hurt me etc. Eventually my daughter decided to meet her & my son still didn’t want to. I told my ex to stop pressuring our son & give him time.

    My ex continued to bring this up with our son & eventually he came round. I was angry because I felt he pressured him into something he wasn’t ready for. I stayed quiet & let it go though. I told my ex that they were both scared that his new girlfriend was going to be there all the time & they didn’t want this. He only sees them twice per week, this is his choice as I’d like them to see him more. It seems recently that she is there more & more when he has them. I just found out yesterday from the kids that he has booked a holiday in the summer & the new girlfriend is going with them! Should he not have discussed this with me? Should I not be made aware of what is going on? I just feel that as he spends so little time with them that when he’s got them they should be getting his full attention. He has five nights of the week to spend with his new girlfriend. I know its out with my control but I just want my kids to have a good relationship with their Dad & I want us to be able to communicate about what is going on in their lives. I would never not tell him if I was introducing my kids to my new partner or going on holiday with them etc. Oh & I haven’t met his new partner either. Sorry for the rant I needed to get that out!

    #24794 Report



    I made a reply earlier but it hasn’t appeared! As you already know, there is nothing legally to stop your ex doing as he pleases with who he pleases during his contact with his children.

    You can try – if you have enough of an amicable relationship – raise that the children have concerns about not getting as much 1:1 contact with their dad on their own now he has a gf. But realistically the dynamics of split parenting are that new parents and family units are something many have to get their heads around. So you maybe able to stave this off short-term unlikely for long-term especially as he probably now sees the green light approach as your son has had a change of mind….

    Re the holiday – you obviously have to consent if for an extended period and most definitely if abroad. You cannot however, stop him doing as he pleases with the gf and children.

    I would try if you can to chat to him when no one else is around….. but be aware many take this as the ex being controlling/jealous and not necessarily in the spirit intended.  Likewise you have no right to meet the gf and you may want to see how the chat goes before mentioning that you’d like to meet her….

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