Advice please

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    Just need some advice please.

    I had a beautiful baby girl 13 weeks ago, she wasn’t planned and had only been with her dad 2 months. When he found out he said he was fine either way would be supportive etc. But then dissappeared after 12 week scan with the occasional abusive text to get an abortion etc. It then came out he was in a lot of debt and still married to his ex. I was devastated and struggled through pregnancy but eventually I came round to being a single mum – I bought a house and had everything planned.


    When I was 8 months pregnant baby’s dad got back in touch and said he wanted to be part of her life and try again. He said he was sorry that he was depressed and didn’t know What to do at the time. He stayed for a month after baby was born and has seen her twice since (he lives 5 hours away and can only visit once a month due to his debt) which had ups and downs. I then found out when he left me earlier in the year he was seeing other people and dating etc which upset me because he told me he was depressed.

    He still wants to try and make it work but I cannot get past all the awful things he said and pain he caused while he was carrying on as normal and he doesn’t seem tO Understand that. He said he would make it up to me but so far he hasn’t made much effort he hasn’t bought me or baby anything and we haven’t been out on a date etc. Due to his money issues.

    All of this just gives me anxiety as I don’t know what’s happening some days I’m fine and some days I can’t cope. I don’t know If I will feel better calling it a day but when I try I’m just so sad but it’s only Making the relationship worse. Anyone been in a similar situation? Can I get past all of this?

    Thank you,

    #20437 Report


    Hi BeckyLou

    I know about anxiety, I have been there, so I understand ho wit is making you feel.

    My opinion, for what it is worth, is that, really, you harldy know the man and so should be very careful to begin with.  Obviously you have done the decent thing and kept your baby, whome which I am sure you love to bits and have no regrets.

    He does sound like he is untrustworthy or reliable.  It only sounds like you have seen him a couple of times since the birth and so I have to question whether you both have a relationship in his mind anyway.  Sorry to be so blunt, but its your health and wellbeing we are interested in here.

    Are you holding on to something that isnt there because of the thought of being a single parent?  Do you love him?  Do you really want to be with him?

    Anxiety, as I am sure you know, stems mainly from the unknown or situations being up in the air, which they obviously are for you.  I believe you need to know yourself what you want and then the rest can be dealt with accordingly.

    What would you say to the above?  I hope it has not come across to harsh.



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