Advice please

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  • #36006 Report


    Hi, I am new to the forum and haven’t had chance to read many threads yet so I apologise if anyone has already posted a story similar to mine.


    I’m in the middle of a separation from my partner who I have a 1 (almost 2) year old child with.

    I have lived with him for 5 years now in his house. I always wanted marriage but this was always topic he was t comfortable with as he is a high earner and the financial aspect of marriage and consequences of divorce scared him more than love and commitment.

    I should point out at this time, just to give you an idea of the inequality between us,  he earned a significantly higher amount of money than me. Without going into major details,  his salary was roughly £500k+ annually. And I was a teaching assistant.

    I compromised and had a baby before marriage,  something that was quite important to me as I had no real security with him.

    Things started to go wrong since the birth of our baby. I had post natal depression and I could feel him distancing himself. He showed no interest in spending time with me any more or family time with us both,  unless his mother was involved (don’t get me started on that topic). I had given up my job to raise our daughter and he often made reference to it and asked “what do you do all day?!” And dragged my self esteem lower and lower. I think he struggled to accept  having to prioritise life after having a baby..he loves our daughter to bits but always puts his needs first.

    He eventually decided he wasn’t happy and basically “kicked us out” in September. He does not see it as “kicking us out” but he gave us no choice. The house that was always “ours” for 5 years suddenly turned back to “his house”. He told me if i didnt move out, then hed make life hell basically, and wed lead different lives, although we were still sharing a bed and cuddling at night watching tv together?! I’d started doing a personal training course and planned to work from home in our home gym and do part time hours that could be worked around our daughter.This has now been taken away from me as he has asked me not to use the gym anymore at the house.

    So now I’m on benefits and renting a house with my daughter. Things were amicable at first but have recently turned bitter as I have come to terms with how much he’s hurt me.

    I’m having therapy but I’m so bitter and frustrated that he doesn’t see the bigger picture and realise what a massive upset this is. He seems to think I can just click my fingers and get over it. He doesn’t understand I lived there for 5 years and it was our home where I brought my daughter home for the first time.

    I’m particularly annoyed as our daughter is at nursery 1 day a week and he’s making me claim benefits for it because “I’m entitled to it” yet he rocks up in a £200k Ferrari to pick her up?!  And he’s making me claim benefits for her?

    Just want any advice or opinions. Whether he will one day see the upset he’s caused? And if anyone has been in a similar situation by separating from a high earning partner?

    I’m so sorry my post is so long. I could have written a lot more!  This is the short version!

    #36007 Report


    Does he financially support your child at all? Regardless of whether you were married or not he still has to provide child support!

    #36008 Report


    I think your best bet would be to contact the gingerbread helpline, im sure they will be able to advise you. But as i said, he does have a financial responsibility for your daughter and should be contributing.

    #36046 Report


    He is but making me claim etc.

    I’ve rang ginger bread and they did give me some good advice. It’s just gonna cost legal fees and I’m not in the position to afford that. We’re renting now but only got the lease for a year.

    Just worries me as there is nothing set in stone. I’m trying to get myself back.together piece and piece after all the emotional hurt and stress. Im looking for part time jobs so I can at least still take care of my.daughter. I couldn’t afford nursery fees on my.own anyway. It’s just grossly unfair when he is living it up down the road from us.

    It shouldn’t bother me,  but it upsets me that I’ll never be able to give her that life that she will have while she’s with him. I know it’s not about that but I fear she’ll love going to daddy’s more,  yet I’m.the one doing all the hard work.  😪

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