Advice on Pick up and Drop off arrangements

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  • #15463 Report


    Hello, this is my first post here but I’m not sure what to do so would love some advice.


    My ex and I have a 2 year old son together. Son lives with me and visits his Dad every other weekend Friday evening until Sunday evening, and every Wednesday afternoon until Thursday morning.

    We used to live around 5-10 minutes apart, but for financial reasons I had to find a new place for me and my son, this has meant we now live 15-20 minutes away from his dad.

    Before we moved, his dad always collected him, and dropped him off again at the end of his visits. Since I have moved, he is demanding that we now split this equally between us. What I don’t understand is why I would be responsible for this? His dad drives, and I haven’t moved an unreasonable distance away from him. The days of the week when I am not at work, I drive my son to the town we used to live for playgroups, and to a toddler class he has attended since being a baby etc.. As I mentioned the move was for financial reasons, so I am not happy to be spending more petrol money that I can ill afford, taking my son to, or collecting from his dad, which is his time with him. I have so far refused to change the arrangement and he has told me I am being unfair and unreasonable and that I am the only person who thinks otherwise?

    Please can you give me some advice?

    #15480 Report



    I think you need to consider and always ask yourself ‘what is in the best interest of my child’?

    Is it in your child’s interest that he misses time with either of his parents? Or that he witnesses you guys arguing about whose turn it is to collect/deliver?  Is it worth suggesting a central meeting point for every ‘handover’? You did move away and you say you both have access to vehicles. Or come to some mutual agreement that works for you and dad regarding set days?

    I’m of the mind that you choose your battles and this one might not be worth the headache it appears to be creating.

    If you have one ounce of an amicable relationship with your ex then seek to preserve it. It’ll save you a lot of time, stress and £’s in the future potentially if you work together with your child’s interests at heart.


    #15498 Report


    I was in a very similar situation. However, it was me doing all the driving. It was 20 miles there and 20 back. Five times a week. 40 miles each time which came to 200 miles a week. In the end, I simply refused to do it. I have therefore collected my son every time, however, if his mother wanted to see him, it was up to her. I appreciate there are financial reasons for the move, but perhaps, there may be financial reasons why the father cannot do all of the driving.

    If I was you, I’d share it 50/50. Nobody is worse off then.

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