Advice on current contact concerns

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  • #40211 Report


    Hi everyone

    Just looking for some advice. My daughters live with me full time and prior to lockdown were seeing their dad for six hour weekly visits and because of his alcohol issues my solicitor had advised me to only allow this contact if he was supervised by either one of his parents or an agreed other. He lives over an hour away with his parents. Since lockdown started the first two weeks we self isolated as my youngest started with a cough and then we have stayed at home the whole time except for a few short walks from our home. Contact had not been possible due to him needing another person to supervise. I’ve been signed off from work as a teacher currently with anxiety. Last weekend their dad asked if he could come over just for half an hour to stand in the garden and speak to the girls while they stayed inside with me but so he could see them and chat and bring over a few treats for them. I didn’t see his request as unreasonable and I would be supervising the children and ensuring the 2m was adhered to. He wants to do the same again this weekend. Would others view this as okay? My overthinking anxiety head is making it difficult for me to decide? I know we are not supposed to be seeing family and friends in their garden or houses but I also know that both parents have a right to see their children if they have PR. Can anyone let me know their thoughts please?

    #40212 Report


    I believe you could justify what you are proposing so long as the 2 mtr social distancing rules were adhered to and you all remained outdoors, some neighbours may get twitchy and report you to the police (those that do not know your situation) though legally I think you could justify your actions. There’s always the option that you stay exactly within the guidance and ‘meet one person from outside your home to exercise keeping 2 mtrs apart’, I’m not sure how you feel about bringing this man back to your home, or going for a walk with him? Are you comfortable with it? Or agreeing to the garden but not committing to weekly? I can imagine the fact you’re back having to make decisions about contact when this was sorted could raise anxiety in itself, take your time and and consider your options, commit only to what ur comfortable doing. You can always increase the opportunity for them to meet later, but it will be stressful to reduce it once committed and we still don’t know the duration of pandemic restrictions

    #40214 Report


    Talk to him if he can wait up to when the lockdown is lifted. Its a matter of time and not because you are hiding away the girls, but for the good of all of you.

    #40259 Report


    I personally don’t see a problem with it.

    my child’s dad has no contact, but his mum  has weekly contact. She hasn’t seen her granddaughter for 10 weeks, so when restrictions lifted and I had to go and get the click and collect, I stopped at hers meeting in the carpark area in front of her house for 20 minutes. As long as restrictions stay lifted I will continue to do this every two weeks. She’s is the only person outside of home that we see, we haven’t even left the house/garden for exercise. She has no modern phone, webcam etc. So video calls have been out of the question. As long as the guidelines is adhered to, I can’t see any problem


    #40267 Report


    If the neighbors won’t report you to the police, is cool for him to come see his kids and also make sure they keep the physical distance, secondly you can talk with him and tell him that this is not the right time to be visiting for the safety of the kids if he truly cares for them.

    #42524 Report


    Thanks for your replies. We have continued with these weekly (mostly) visits which progressed to our children being outside in the garden but still keeping 2m apart from their dad and either their grandmother or grandfather if they visited too. We have also since formed a support bubble with my parents and they have stayed over a couple of times since and we have shared some long awaited hugs but not kisses as still being very cautious. My dad is in two of the vulnerable groups. Whilst video calling their dad tonight he was asking our daughter if daddies were allowed to hug their children yet. He lives with his parents and know his mum is in two of the vulnerable groups and would guess his dad is in at least one of them too. I know he must be desperate to hug them but I am unsure what the current guidelines would say. I don’t want to put anyone at an increased risk. My eldest is very nervous and straight away said you can only hug people in your social bubble. Any advice?

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