Advice on communication.

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  • #21857 Report


    Hi all. I am new here. This might be long, bare with me if you can …

    My husband of 10 years and I spilt 2 years ago (my choice) but we agreed he would stay for 12 months or so in our home. 6 wks after our discussion he went on, met some one within a week. 1 month later left the home and moved in with new gf. It has been very fast and very hard on us all. He wanted the children to meet her and her three children before we had even told the children we had split. We have three children, and one has a brain disability, so not your straightforward situation.

    Communication between has gone from two people on the same page about pretty much everything regards home and children to me now being in a situation where I am terrified of him and can no longer allow him near the home, or me because of his aggression and total disregard for the children and what they are exposed to. His gf now writes all his emails for him when we have to discuss the children. He is told what to say by her in text messages. I am no longer coparenting with the father if my children but with a woman who hates me more than any thing in the world and has put a daggar straight through the heart of what ‘we’ are all about and hoped for.

    I have now refused to discuss any thing regards the children via email or text message, but he insists this is the only way he will communicate because everything now goes via gf. I want to have telephone or face to face conversations with him regards the children, so I know 100% that I am getting his opinion only. However, he will call me to discuss things he wants to discuss but when I raise some thing he totally ignores me and return to his original point. Things have now got to stale mate. I know his gf is nw fully in control of his life his responses and everything, which if that works for them thats fine by me, but when it comes to our children that is a different story.

    Despite me asking him not to come into my home because it always turns nasty in front of the children he ignores my requests, he comes in, he jams the door if I try and close it. Police have been called 4 times now..

    My disabled child is now refusing to go with him anywhere. He see’s them once every two weeks for a weekend and one evening a week for dinner. His choice.

    I have always encouraged a good working relationship not only with him, but the wider family, the gf, her children. Having come from this I know what it is like to be a child in this situation so my ambition has been to have everyone as amicable as possible.

    Our children are still very young and communication between us is paramount, but I now no longer know what to do, what to try – Ive tried everything on how to move forward. His family have been completely alienated from us after me having a wonderful relationship with them all. He has stopped all communication with mutual friends.

    Issues I have about the children’s welfare in his care are ‘none of my business’. He refuses to tell me any thing about their life with him and my disabled child finds this very very hard as I now cant prepare them for there weekends away or what they will be getting up to. The pace in our home is slow because of our disabled child. In his home it is back-to-back activity, which is great for the kids but completely exhausting.

    My health and anxiety levels are through the roof and I am now being affected by 2 years of absolute hell from him and his gf. I feel broken. I live in fear of the responses I get from text messages, emails, or any contact.

    Help, advice, any thing please.

    #21861 Report

    Hi Ocean

    I’m Justine, the moderator and I have read your post this morning.  The parents in this community can be really helpful with sharing their experiences and hopefully some people will be able to give you some insight into whats helped them with similar situations.

    Just so you are aware, I will be sending you a personal message with some signposting options.

    Take care  Justine

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