Hello, new here and would be grateful to hear about people’s views and experiences re access for dads and babies/toddlers/small children.
Recently had left my home and a long term relationship that featured coercive control and difficult behaviour from my ex. He has a history of depression and often doesn’t understand his behaviour and it’s consequences.
However he loves our baby to bits and is very good with baby so I want to make sure we put a fair plan and access arrangements together. He was fairly hands off in first year of their life but is keen to make up for it now, though this means he is demanding more and more time with baby and It crosses into harassment so I have had to get a solicitor.
As the baby is little I have currently offered him every other weekend and at least two whole days a week, and an overnight, spread out so it’s regular. I am happy to increase overnights as they get older but I still feel that young babies need a ‘primary’ carer before they get to school age.
What arrangements or time/frequency do people feel is appropriate for 1-2-3-4 years?
My daughter is 3 and was 2 when her Dad and I separated. He has her for 3 consecutive nights every other weekend, and then comes to our house to do her bedtime a couple of times during the week. This suits at the moment and my daughter is getting used to the new set up, however I agree that too many overnight stays would be disruptive at a young age (we felt 3 nights in a row with him would be better than sporadic nights away from her home)
I would be mindful of your ex’s temperament though. Make sure you are comfortable with him having her on his own – I know you say he is a god father (which is great) but if I were you I’d want to make sure that there was another adult around to support him when he has your child. We all know that children can be unpredictable, and these moments can be tough on the most sane of us!!
Good luck, I hope you sort something between you soon x