Advice of living with ex

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Manica 4 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #24979 Report

    Manica
    Participant

    Hello,

     

    I would like some advice please if anyone has something similar to this.

    Me and my partner are in the process of deciding to terminate our relationship. I say process because we broke up around 7 times in the last 6 years we have been together as he was leaving me and I was always trying to get him back successfully. This last time (one week ago) that he told me we are no longer good for each other I think the smart thing to do is to let him go. I pretty much said nothing to him and i will not. – I dont want to go to the issues of the relationship etc as it doesnt matter to me anymore.

    We have a house/ mortgage / extra small loans and a child together. I have been thinking that it will be good for us to continue living together until we can both afford to be apart. ie him to be able to rent a decent place, me to be able to pay the loans by myself. Can this work? I am still thinking about everything to be honest and I am avoiding any discussions until I am calm enough not to get upset and also make my own decision. I have been bringing home much more money that he does and i dont want to lose our house that i feel i worked so hard to get. At the same time i dont want to ask him to leave, or create nastiness between us and have him leave somewhere where I wouldnt feel comfortable for our son to visit or stay over.

    Can any one give me any advice?

    thank you

     

     

     

    #24985 Report

    Hi Manica,

    The online forum can be a great away to get advice and support from other single parents who have been from similar experiences, and I hope other single parents will  share their stories and tips with you on how they got through their own separation.

    In the meantime, we have a page with information all about separating which you can find here: https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/separating/

    If our online information doesn’t answer all your questions, you can call our free, confidential single parent helpline. The number and other information about the helpline can be found here: https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/what-we-do/contact-us/helpline/

    All the best,

    Jessica

    #25047 Report

    Teaandcake
    Participant

    Hi Manica, I told the father of my daughter that it was over in August and I’m still living in the house with him and my daughter! It’s been a bit of a nightmare, and I feel terrible for him, but it’s all I could do while I’ve been buying a house for me and my daughter to live in. (He bought me out in order to keep the home we currently live in). We’ve managed to keep it pretty amicable for our daughter’s sake, but I cannot wait to get out, and I’m pretty sure he can’t wait to be shot of me!

    #25177 Report

    PeterD
    Participant

    Hi.

    Ive has my kids mother staying with us for over a year now. She wanted the separation 2 years ago. It doesn’t work. She is now moving on into her own place.

    I was in a similar situation bringing in more money paying the bills and so on. Resentment will build toward your ex. It’s best to cut your losses and move on with your life. The scariest part of it all is the change to routine.

    If your not happy do yourself a favour and move on.

    #25187 Report

    Manica
    Participant

    thank you everyone, yes it will make sense to do that but here is what i am struggling with .

    He wants to live me. Why doesnt he live? Is it my job to ask him to live? He moved in another room now which made things a bit easier.

    He wants to  keep the house, but I can`t leave now because I dont have any savings to buy a house and under my name i have another 12k that we did for the house. Doesnt he have responsibility to help me pay that off? Also if I live doesnt he have to pay me off?

    I booked an appointment with a lawyer to discuss and make sure I know my rights because it doesn`t sound right to me and it feels like he is playing mind games. I find that when i dont speak to him i feel better! Even if i am going against my character not to take care of  him

     

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