Advice needed on access rights for my babies Dad when he is really abusive

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  • #50678 Report


    Hi there,

    Wondering if anyone can help me.

    Me and my babies father don’t get on. He seems to hate me and every conversation over the phone ends up in a row. He’s very disrespectful and says really hurtful things.

    He has a call with a mediator on Saturday, as he wants access to our daughter. I’ve never stopped him from seeing her, I’ve just asked him to give me prior notice but he doesnt want to and just turns up unannounced. He is speaking to a mediator on Saturday and told me that I then need to have one at a £100 cost. If we cannot agree an arrangement, then we both need to take it to court.

    as I’m a single mum with a mortgage and bills to pay, my maternity pay has now stopped too. Does anyone know if I can get help with the costs of the mediator and / or court hearing?

    Any tips on how to manage his rudeness towards me too are welcome as I end up in tears every time.

    #50724 Report


    Hi, me and my ex split up just over 3 years ago. About a year ago I set up a meeting with a mediator as I wanted to try and sort out a regular pattern for my ex to see/have the children as he would let the kids down a lot by not turning up, go months without seeing or speaking to them, which of course was devastating for them. Although I do work, I do receive universal credits and I was, therefore, entitled to free mediation sessions.

    Following the call that your ex is due to have with the mediator, they will then get in touch with you (either by letter or phone) and they will discuss with you then what fees (if any) you may have to pay.

    Please remember, the mediator is not on anyone’s side, they are there to help both of you and try sort out a routine for what is best for the child. Be open and honest with them about how your ex talks to you, they will suggest things to put in place to make life easier for you both to try and avoid this happening.

    I was told courts would not consider a case unless mediation had taken place, court was the last resort and would only happen if mediation had failed.

    Hope this helps a little 😊

    #50727 Report

    Hi there

    I’m glad that you are talking on our forum.  As you can see we have parents who have experienced similar issues and have managed to come out.  Don’t forget that you can also call our single parent helpline.  They will be able to help you explore your options.  Here are their details:

    Please give them a try and I wish you the best of luck, Justine

    #50739 Report



    I would suggest you stop all phone calls with him. and only send text or whatsapp messages about children arrangements only. Also that way it helps to leave a trail for evidence purposes. It does sound silly of him to not give notice. what if your not home when he turns up unannounced?


    #50740 Report


    If you on low income you may not have to pay for mediation. Its best to no longer  speak on phone and arrange set times and days for him to have child contact. You can also mention at mediation he is not to turn up at your door unless an arrangment has been made. If there are still issues then you would need to look at handovers at a neutral location ie supermarket


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