Advice needed

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  • #60804 Report

    Mindykins
    Participant

    Hi everyone. I wondered if any one can give some advice. I am posting on behalf of my friend who is a single mum, her partner left the marital home 2 years ago and now lives 30 miles away from the child. All the Financial matters have been sorted out and they have had a bi weekly schedule of 50/50 contact which has been fine so far.

    Now the partner wants to change the schedule still maintaining 50/50 contact but having the child 5 nights one week and then the mum having 5 nights the next week. This mum feels is to fit around his work and new home life. Mum is also very concerned as she feels this is too long for the child to be apart from either parent. She has told him her concerns and reasoning and he completely dismisses her. The child now goes to school where mum lives but dad is insistent on taking the child to his new home 30 miles away each of “his” nights and bringing her back the next day, plus he wants mum to drive over and pick the child up aswell. He is happy for grandma to pick the child up and drop her off in his stead.

    How can mum get through to him to see that their life needs to revolve around the child’s wellbeing, and that he is completely dismissing her all the time. It’s looking likely to me it might be mediation is the next step.

    Thank you for reading x

    #60814 Report

    Emzy
    Participant

    Just a strong firm no. Your friend should not have to upset her routines to support his ex and his job.  Sound a bit controlling. He still acting like he calling all the shots. There’s a agreement in place. That your friend is happy with.  If he wants to change the agreement your friend needs to be on board. She is not. So it’s a firm. No.  He chose to live that far away. He needs to talk to his boss and make it so he is available for his child on his days.  Sorry i don’t mean to offend in any way.

    #60822 Report

    Mindykins
    Participant

    I totally agree. He decided to move far away and not live near his daughter yet mum is expected to change things to fit around him. Its so selfish. We had a chat about it last night again, she said he makes her feel so anxious she is scared to look at her phone.

    I said she is doing everything she can, being firm when she talks to him and he has to accept its a two way conversation, they are both wanting the best for the little girl and he can’t dictate things.

    #60913 Report

    Iain
    Participant

    Just a no it doesn’t work for you friend or the child.

    if worst came to the worst it would go to mediation and court and he have to explain how this benefits the child… it doesn’t it benefits him.

    my ex left me for a relation that she’s already set up. I bought her out of the house and she used the money to buy a house an hour away and wonders why the kids don’t want to go there and why I won’t pick up.

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