Advice needed.

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  • #30301 Report



    New here. My (to be ex) husband ended our marriage 2 weeks ago, after 2 years of ignoring me whilst under the same roof. He has been very emotionally, psychology and financially abusive over our marriage as well as being quite controlling.

    He is keeping the house and I am having to move in with my Mum.

    However my biggest concern is that he wants 50/50 residency of our 16month old. He has done the bare minimum when it comes to looking after him, having to be reminded to wash, dry, change nappies and even feed the baby. I have been looking after the baby full time since he was born and have just changed careers so that I can dedicate more time to him, I’ve arranged all of his childcare close to my new work so that he spends as little time there as possible. My ex has taken no interest in my son’s nursery arrangements (doesn’t even know where it is), when my son and I have been poorly my ex has never taken any time off to look after him. In fact to date my ex has not taken one day off this year. His work means that he travels to China two or three times a year.

    I have said that I’d agree to every other weekend and an evening a week but he says he wants him to be sleeping at his house half the time.

    It doesn’t even make logical sense as my ex leaves for work 2 hours before my son is due  to begin nursery. So I will have to fetch and transport him to and from my ex. I just want my son to have a lovely routine and feel settled.

    The worst of it is I know deep down this is all another tool to control what I am doing and it breaks my heart for my son.

    #30304 Report



    I have no real advice other than to say I think you’re completely right so stick to your guns and just say no.


    #30317 Report


    Thanks Mark. That alone is incredibly helpful.

    #30327 Report


    I agree, he’s being unreasonable. The baby should be the priority here and babies definitely need routine to feel happy and settled. Good luck standing up to him.

    #30357 Report


    He’s being an arse.

    Dont give in. Stick to your guns. If he has a problem with it, let him be the one to make a child order to the courts (doubt he will as it’s huge hassle and costs a fortune). X

    #30370 Report


    I feel for you. I’m about to embark on separation and arrangements for my son who is 11 months. My partner has done the bear minimum (well, even less than that actually) and I’m worried for my son spending time with him as he’s never looked after him before. I think you have a very good case for keeping things simple and straightforward for your son who is the most important one here. You’ve shown flexibility but what he’s asking for is unrealistic. As another post suggests, try and stay firm as you really are thinking of your son’s best interests. Maybe try writing down all the reasons why it’s important for his main base to be with you so you can present that to your ex. Good luck xx

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

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