Advice handling daughters upset
19 January 2021 at 11:20 am #48356
My ex husband and I separated over 2.5 years ago, we are amicable and worked through the separation and are co-parenting well since our split.
Our daughter is now 4.5 years old and has been through several periods of upset mostly when she comes back to me from spending time at her dad’s, she gets very upset saying she misses her daddy (even though she has returned from being with him for several days) we had one conversation where she told me she felt sad because daddy was all alone and that is why she needed to live with him.
We divide her time between us both as equally as possible but she does mostly stay/live with me and my partner. She loves my partner and they have a good relationship. Her dad is now seeing someone but its not fully established yet and they dont live together.
Sunday evening, after being with her dad since Thursday she became very upset again stating she wanted to live with daddy she misses him and when i asked her more questions she got even more upset saying she wanted me and her and daddy to all live together. She said her daddy was upset that morning, I asked if he told her he was sad or was crying etc and she said no just that he was red faced and told her he was going to miss her. My daughter is very emotionally intelligent and picks up on the smallest of things. I spoke to him about this and he said his red face was due to pain from his back issue and him having to get up and down off the floor to play with our daughter.
I want to support my daughter the best I can during this time but i feel completely lost as to how to approach it and handle it, especially when I am personally dealing with her comments about wanting to live with her daddy and not me19 January 2021 at 1:59 pm #48361
I understand your child is very emotionally intelligent. But I find it odd that she’s asking to live with her dad at only 4 years old. are you sure nothing sinister is going on? naturally kids behave in a way like they want their parents to get back together. some even fantasise about it well into their adult years.19 January 2021 at 3:08 pm #48372
Sinister in what way…. She is very loved in our house and nothing untoward is happening to her here
She sees her dad doesn’t live with someone and worries he is alone. It upsets her.
I’m not asking for my life to be judged…. There is nothing sinister going on I either household. I am asking for advice from anyone who may have dealt with this before19 January 2021 at 3:16 pm #48375
sorry it was not about judging you. what I was trying to get at is maybe the child could be getting influenced/encouraged at the other house, in a way that makes her want to live with her dad. that was all. it does happen.19 January 2021 at 5:22 pm #48380
If she is emotionally intelligent and you are fortunate enough to be managing life with your ex amicably I would think your easiest way would be to have an upfront and honest conversation-the three of you.If possible he could tell her in front of yout that he’s ok.If she loves her dad it makes sense she worries about him,the guilt of him being alone can also happen,and someone shld def put her mind at ease about his back pain/not crying etc.I wld hate to see s1_I love alone & ‘crying’.If you see it from a 4 yr olds perspective its very sad and worrying.Hope all goes well.