Advice for single Mummy please
24 November 2018 at 7:12 am #18089
Any advice will be much appreciated. My daughter is 11 nearly 12. She is really struggling with having to stay with her dad every other weekend and for half the holidays. I think it is so important for her to have a relationship with her dad. She is going through puberty and I think that is a big issue. She says she is scared of staying with him. I cannot get out of her why that is but she promises he has not done anything to hurt her, she just feels that way. He does guilt her a lot. Tells her he has no money, tries to blackmail her in staying by saying her grandparents will only come and see her if she stays with him. Makes her feel worried she is upsetting him. He is very selfish in that way. Also she feels she cannot talk to him about anything. If she feels ill when she is with him he gets angry and annoyed with her. She says all they do is sit in his flat (which he does not really clean) on the computer or wii machine. He spends most of the time on his computer looking at the news or for jobs (he lost his job at the beginning of the year). If he takes her out for supper he will only do so if he has a voucher (which of course I understand having very little money myself) but instead of getting food for both of them he only gets it for her and gets himself a glass of water and watches her eat which she feels so uncomfortable about. At the moment (this is the second weekend she is meant to stay with him) she is staying here at home and he is coming here to hang out with her as she says she wants me in the same house and does not want to stay the night at his on her own. It is coming up to the Christmas holidays and I do not know what to do. I do not want him to feel left out or not part of her life, I want them to have a good relationship and for h8m to be a big part of her life. However I want to do what is right for her and not force her to do something that scares her. Please help what is the right thing to do? 😢24 November 2018 at 7:49 am #18091
Sorry she says she does not feel safe at his or with him on his own, not scared.24 November 2018 at 9:18 am #18093
It sounds and I hope I’m wrong your ex has got mental health issues . So I would suggest having a little chat with him abput your concerns but dont lay into him as there are 2 sides to a story then if that does not work invent some outings that your daughter is going to give you a bit of time so that she does not have to go to stay over.
<span style=”font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5;”>My Sisters children are moody and find fault with everything so be mindful teenagers have mood swings </span>
If anything changes and she does want to see him. Send a food basket where they can cook something together and enjoy the meal. It will give them some time together and there are places to visit that are free. I don’t give my little on takeaway unless I’m stuck then we visit the famous baker that sells sausage rolls
Going out to eat is expensive, I work and can afford but I don’t bother as you don’t know what’s in the meal.
Regards24 November 2018 at 10:14 am #18094
Thank you. That is really good advice. Have decided not too force her to see him this weekend as she is very tearful and anxious.24 November 2018 at 11:47 am #18096
Home made chicken and veg soup, bread rolls and Victoria sponge are cheap to make and there will be leftovers which can be frozen. It’s no fun not working and not being able to provide. You can download receives from website . I use turkey mince and portion off turkey and freeze it for next meal when I’m making soup. Take care and have a lovely weekend