Advice for new single Mum with baby?

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  • #5476 Report

    SouthEastSuse
    Participant

    Hi all,

    I’m interested in hearing from anyone who has experienced co-parenting from birth?

    I’m in my mid thirties living in south east London with my gorgeous 4 month old. Despite it being a planned pregnancy, shortly after our wedding, his father couldn’t cope with all the changes and broke things off a couple of months before he was born. He has stayed involved and whilst there is no chance of getting back together, we’re getting counselling to help us through this tricky time.

    This motherhood stuff is all new to me and I’m loving it despite the upheaval of our family. Whilst there are often times I feel sad and angry of course, I’m also determined to focus on what I HAVE got and to do what I can to help my son have a healthy relationship with his father, and for me to be able to move on too.

    I’m a great believer in the wisdom of the village so would love to hear from either mums or dads who have been through something similar.

     

    #5518 Report

    JoLouise
    Participant

    The co-parenting thing didn’t last long in my situation. However, as your ex is going counselling with you it sounds like even though he’s struggling he really wants to be there and makes the effort.

    I lived with my fiancé but when I was 3 months pregnant he was being so nasty I had to go. Even though we spent 2 years trying for a baby he’d changed his mind after I got pregnant.

    He was there (on and off) for the first 6 months of her life. Then didn’t see her for 10 months but has recently seen her twice. I use to get jealous when he left because I needed a break but it was always about him and what he felt he could do, no consideration when I was struggling etc. I kept telling myself that the little help he gave was better than nothing. I just wish it was more and he was consistent and reliable.

    Does your ex have regular contact?

    Are you going back to work? I found work really positive. It gave me something else to focus on and a ‘break’.

    #5524 Report

    SouthEastSuse
    Participant

    JoLouise, thank you so much for your response. Yes, he sees his son about twice a week and has been really reliable. It’s good to remember that although this isn’t the full time Dad I imagined, it could be much worse. I will go back to work next spring, and I’m nervous about juggling both so it’s great to hear that for you it was a positive step.

    You sound like you’re doing an incredible job, and I do hope your ex steps up. I think that in itself can create feelings of conflict too- sometimes I feel why should they enjoy the benefits of our time and hard work. I keep trying to remember that my sons relationship with his father is more important. I think accepting that the situation is not ‘fair’ is hard.

    #5525 Report

    Hydrangea
    Participant

    Hi both, newly pregnant and single so will be watching this thread closely!

    #5530 Report

    melb46
    Participant

    I’m a newly single mum to a 9 month old boy. My ex and I were having difficulties throughout the pregnancy and split when our son was 6 months.

    Over the last month things have turned pretty nasty. We’re stuck blaming each other for the failure of the relationship and it’s getting the way of us sorting out access and maintenance .

    What sort of counselling are you and you ex having , is it helping ?

    Mel

    #5553 Report

    SouthEastSuse
    Participant

    Hi Mel,  I just found someone local who had experience with couple and family counselling. It’s only been a couple of sessions so far but the main thing I find it useful for is that it gives us a space to discuss and say stuff about the relationship, so that when we meet IRL and are around our son we can focus on practical things and most importantly stay calm and positive. Don’t get me wrong- this isn’t always easy, it still takes work!!

    @hydrangea congrats on the pregnancy and I hope you are ok and have good support around you x

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