Advice for anxious mum-to-be

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  • #33040 Report


    I’ve just joined Gingerbread as it’s looking increasingly likely that I’ll become a single mum. I’m 9 weeks pregnant after having conceived  child during a whirlwind romance. The father took the news well. But two days later he sent me a message saying he didn’t want to speak to me and has since blocked me on everything. That was more than a month ago. I since saw him at a work event but he ignored me. I’ve decided to keep the baby but don’t know how to contact him to tell him. I need his financial support and would like my child to know its father. How can I get him on board? I’m putting on a brave face but I’m scared and would be grateful for any advice. I’m also angry that he can simply ignore this, and me, while I have to deal with the emotional and financial burdens this brings.

    #33506 Report


    Hey there

    Hope you are doing well and found a best way to talk him.

    It’s really difficult to handle situation at this stage. Because you need more support at this important time.

    Have you ever send an email to ask him what he wants to do now?

    Because you aren’t clear about what he wants ! Aren’t you?


    #33507 Report


    Well, I suppose, look at it from his point of view. He thought he was having a light hearted romance and is faced with a child. I know he’s as responsible as you are and he clearly didn’t use a condom but it must be a bit of a shock.

    Getting cross won’t help. I’d stay calm, give him time to get his head round it. You can claim support through the CMS when the baby arrives so perhaps concentrate for now on saving for your maternity leave. Think about logistics like childcare and housing. Is your employer decent? If not, take out legal insurance before you tell your HR team.

    The more prepared you are, the calmer you will feel. Talk to your family.  Get them on board first.

    Congratulations & good luck x

    #33510 Report


    Thanks Kathy

    You mentioned a good point

    #33517 Report


    I hate to say it but if he isn’t interested now, don’t hold your breath that he will be later on incase he isn’t.  Make plans to raise your child on your own and realistically face and plan for all the financial commitments this will bring with it. I only say this because if you factor him into yours and baby’s survival and then he lets you down, you’ll be screwed. If you make plans on how you will manage without him and then he does come through for you both, you’ll be happily surprised. Go into it with your eyes open. You’ve got this.

    #33526 Report


    Hello, I am sorry you are going through this but I do know how you feel as I am in a very similar position. I was having an affair with a work colleague that was supposed to be just fun but now I am 11 weeks pregnant and completely alone. He hasn’t disappeared but has refused to take any responsibility at all, unless I get an abortion of course and then he would pay! Because I was working with him I also felt I could no longer work with him.

    I’m also angry for the same reasons you are, i’m also suffering from anxiety and a lot of doubt on whether I am doing the right thing. I don’t have much advice to give you except turn to your friends and family for support and work out how you can do this without his help. Please get back in touch and let me know if you want to chat more 🙂

    #33961 Report


    Hi all,

    Thanks so much for all your replies and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to respond, a lot has happened in the past few weeks. I’ve taken your advice and planned for my future without him – while still leaving room for him to be involved if he wishes. I am in the process of buying a flat and work has been wonderful. Ali.saa, I took your advice, and emailing him on his work email address about keeping the baby did the trick. He wanted me to get a termination but I stood my ground and he and I have gone to a counsellor who specialises in unplanned pregnancy and gone to a scan together. I’ve learned some things about him and his values that mean I’m unwilling to let him have too big an influence on my child, but he said he’ll pay child support. I think the baby and I will be ok.  Rach2683, I hope things are better for you and I’d love to speak further


    #33977 Report


    Hello there,

    I’m so happy for you!

    Glad to hear you stood on your ground and he agreed to support you.

    Hope things are getting better for you.

    Stay strong and be happy!

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