Advice; am I being unreasonable here?
- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 years ago by RexyWoo.
9 July 2018 at 5:24 pm #13140
I’m having a few issues with my child’s father. He has her every other weekend and sees her for a couple of hours during the week. This used to be in my house (which I hated), but this has recently changed to him taking her out – as I asked for this. I’ve been trying to encourage him to have her overnight during the week, one night but he’s adamant that he doesn’t want to. “Logistically impossible” as he lives 18miles from me. Which is rubbish, he said as he needs to start work at 8 but our child doesn’t start school until 8:40. I’ve said twice he could drop her to mile and I’d drop her to school on those days. I’ve also asked if he could help during school holidays because after the 4.5 years apart, he’s NEVER helped. I work FULL time hours from home too, so I really struggle. Anyway, he’s agreed to have her for a week over the summer holidays…which is a start I guess. But says he can’t do any more than that as he’s used all his leave? What I can’t get my head around is how/why he’s used his leave and not used it whilst spending time with his child?? I’ve also had two ops in the past two years where I’ve needed to rest for 2 – 3 weeks, not lift anything etc…and he helped, not once. I had to move in with my Mum.
Anyways, along with all that – I asked him if he could please stop WhatsApping me literally every single day multiple times – as it’s unbearable. Constantly wanting a running commentary about her. It’s exhausting and I have little time as a full time working single parent. I’ve asked to keep communication via email now as it’s much easier for me, and less intrusive. I can touch type so banging out an email is far quicker for me, plus it keeps things simple and to the point about any arrangements. I fear if I go back to WhatsApp the messages will start again (I’ve asked him to stop numerous times before and he has very briefly and it’s started up again).
He keeps going on and on about using Whatsapp again, I keep explaining why I want to keep to emails. He’s now just said “Don’t want to continue email communication”
My questions is: can I just say “tough”…? I’ve had enough of everything working in his favour ever since HE walked out on me when she was a baby, leaving me to look after her 24/7 whilst he went away to think (and see his girlfriend who he’d cheated on me with). Why does everything have to be done his way as it’s easier for him? He has more time than me as I’m always chasing my tail. I’ve had enough, so stressed my chest is tight. Can’t do this much longer, he never gives me a straight answer and makes everything so hard all the time 🙁
Another quick question: do I have to give him details about where and who I’m going on holiday with her with? Surely as her Mum, he should trust me? He doesn’t tell me where or who she’s with when she’s at his?9 July 2018 at 6:30 pm #13143
Don’t force your daughter on him. If he doesn’t want her then that’s his problem.
as far as wanting to know what’s going on on a daily basis. Email is a bit cold my ex phoned the kids some mornings before school and phones most nights before they go to bed, I have a briff conversation if there is anything to say between us and the rest is her on loud speaker to the kids and they can tell her what they have done.
as far as who your with no you don’t have to tell him, however depending on the age of your daughter she might. Never ask her to keep secrets. Is there a reason other than it’s not his business that you don’t want him to know? If not jut tell him and ask what difference dose it make to anything?