Advice about Seperation

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  • #18717 Report


    Hi All

    Hope everyone is well.

    I am after some advice with my separation as I am started to get very anxious with the actual practical things. I’ll briefly outline what has happened. About 6 weeks ago my wife decided she didn’t want to be with me anymore, she had been feeling it for years and has not been herself for a long time but we never really talked about this as a possibility. She thought I felt the same but I didn’t, i still love her and wanted to try again but she is adamant it’s over. I cannot her convince her otherwise to try again even thou she is still on long term anti-depressants, she says she is clear of mind and me and her were just not meant to be. However hard this is I have to accept that it’s over.

    The issue I am now facing is the fact we have a home, 2 amazing kids. She wants to continue living together until we come up with a long term plan but I didn’t want to do that as I feel I can’t move on with her there all the time. So she moved out temporarily until end of Dec. We have started mediation but she basically wants joint custody of the kids and they are shared between two homes 50%(she thinks this is best for them, I don’t personally at least not in the short term). She thinks we will have to sell the house so she can buy somewhere and that I should/could pay her spouse maintenance etc. She did stay at home with the kids but she never had a career, she gave up a promising career  well before we had kids even thou I advised her not too but i’ve have always tried to let her do her own thing even thou it affects both of us! We have a really nice house in a great neighborhood, nice garden etc and she is saying we can each buy a 2 bed flat each with the money from the sale etc and the kids will be happy as they will be with both of us.

    What I am worried about is being royally screwed over. I don’t want to leave the house, I like it, she doesn’t even like the place! I can pay for everything myself and bring up the kids by myself(if I had to) with work flexibility and help from friends and family. Also this wasn’t my decision thou I completely accept that everyone has a right to be happy(including me!).

    Anyone else been in this situation before and any advice, it’s hard enough dealing with the emotional side of things never mind all this stuff!



    #18742 Report


    Hi Chris, I think you need to speak to a solicitor to understand how these things are generally sorted out.

    As a married couple, your assets will normally be split 50:50 – as a starting point. That includes property, pensions etc. Joint custody, 50:50 is also likely, assuming your children are not very small.

    As the primary caregiver, she has taken a career break so the courts might award some kind of spousal maintenance, at least to start with while your ex re-establishes a career.

    With regard to the house, you could take a mortgage to buy her half,  allowing you to stay.  She then has the funds to buy elsewhere. Or she could stay in the house with the children until some point in the future when the house would be sold & the proceeds split, while you take a house elsewhere.

    But you really need to consult a solicitor.

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